snickered in contempt as the toys struggled to get me into the closet. It wasn't until I saw my shoes fly past me that I noticed the gaping maw opening in the floor boards. It look

with my buddy Sam, when I remembered he'd been dead for about 8 months now. So there I was, thin hair, thin bank account, dead buddy Sam. Things were really starting to look up.

as the hobo upended the bowl into his mouth, moved his jaw around for a bit, then spit out the condom. It had been removed from the package and tied in a bow. I couldn't help it, I

Most often the only response I got to this news was a shoulder shrug. Once the word spread, people stopped bothering me and I was able to focus all my attention on Candy. Which was

a bomb-filled turnip truck bound for the airport. The fall through the window knocked me out cold. I woke up in the hull of a cargo plane flying to a secret Las Vegas airfield.

I was told to shut up & mind my own business; I was paid eight grand monthly. I never punched a clock or showed up at some office in a suit. I owned a condominium in Century City

solo cup that she got for him at 7 Flags when he was a girl. He is startled his painted Abuela would reach out for the Han Solo cup instead of him. The artist breaks contact with

-emy. I know they wanted me to pick Ghost Academy. But my mind was set on living. "I'll only be gone 4 years. I'll come back a ghost that lived." That was cheating. My Ghost mom gl

Tonight's internet inspired dinner consists of I can haz cheesburgers, lemonade from the amazing horse and ice cream, two spoons one cup. My online Slipshod93.2, says my meme game

if I don't know what your size will be the next time I see you?" "I imagine that is something MI6 only tells on a Need To Know basis," said 007 nonchalantly. That will be all Mrs.

the human/grape hybrid withered and turned yellow in my arms, was not the time to bring up the rodeo again. If not now, when? "Hadley hun, didya hear back from Rodeo Clown School?"

and I wasn't on the manifest. I tried to explain about the one armed bandit. They didn't care. If my name wasn't on the manifest I couldn't evacuate. Then they discovered a no-show

-ra. I guess Carrie never heard of us. We weren't impervious to fire. It did kill us for a few minutes. Then we'd rise from the flames anew. Carrie, freshly resurrected, was groggy

secret message through to headquarters with you peering at it? Stop it! Go away! You're not supposed to be reading this! Look, we're both going to be in big trouble if you insist

Far away on the other side of the fog splashing and a sharp intake of air. Someone had fallen into the pit. The rancid water it contained was barely above freezing. Until the fog

prefers non-verbal equines." "But Lazurus," answered Prince Lvov, "You know how Empress Catherine adores celebrities, and Mr. Ed is a TV star." "What's TV?" LaRue shot back. Just

"I might be blind as a bat but I am no liar. You are sexy." The judge slammed her gavel down. The bailiff shouted for "Order in the court." The witness looked at Sweeney. "Liar."

"You didn't know me back then. I was a dirt farmer in Gdansk and you were in elementary school in Peoria. You mean someone that I filled in for." "No Boris. You in Soviet Life."

"Natasha," Boris replied, "I know of which car you speak. But you are older than me by a year. If you were 10 I would have been 9. Naughty Natasha. But Fearless Leader must know of

“I like getting things done. No beating-around-the-bush, or lollygagging.” That was my answer to the question asked of me by Doctor Demon: Why should I hire you? “I need a job!”