I, Darryl Phineas Johnson, of West Shanksville, Arkansas, do hereby proclaim that the following manifesto, as I writ it here on this Friday, March 15, 2019, is the true philosophy

" I ducked as a pearl bead barely missed my head. The seams were on the verge of exploding. "I'd recommend not tossing the bouquet to widely." I said

I will forage for you in field and stream. I will seek you to the ends of the earth. I shield my eyes and vision my revenge. "...8...9...10! READY OR NOT HERE I COME!"

the point, isn't it?" I finished lamely. He nodded, then whipped out his sabre and beheaded himself. I was shocked! "But wait!" I cried, running after his rolling head.

shoulder blades, thank God. Yeah, that's it. BLOW! Ahhhh... OK, so now I am ready to talk, to give you unsolicited advice, to MOTIVATE you to FIX your FAILING MARRIAGE right NOW!

to anticipate. It was really pretty depressing, even for a pessimist. I rubbed my eyes & looked into the endless mirror. It was the same old reflection. But wait! Was that...??!

my iphone security protocol & grabbed my balls: "WHY? WHY.." it wheezed in a wispy, waterlogged tone, "..must you & your fellow humans upload so much junk?!" & the cloud burst into

This is your chance, before God and Country, to tell the truth. Not your truth, not your opponents’ truth. THE TRUTH, as you lived it, and what is going on inside your heart now.

(WE) hold these truths…We hold (THESE) truths…We hold these (TRUTHS) to be self-evident, that rich white men have an advantage over everybody else, that they are well endowed

Jenkins the Leprechaun. Jenkins was visiting from Omaha. Paddy met Jenkins at the Wee Four Clover. Paddy pointed at Jenkin's shoes. "That a shiny penny you've got in your loafers?"

To help me with my weakness for sweets, my parents sent me to Sugar-Free Camp…they sent my older brother to Blubberville USD, and they sent my pregnant older sister to a convent.

Nancy, Sluggo, and Rollo took Pee Wee and Poochie with them to the amusement park. The park owner, Fred Flintstone, and his partner/maintenance man, Barney Rubble, was unhappy to

were given short shrift & a conjugal visit from a priest, if they chose one. Extrusion chambers littered the lab like so many alien pods. Eve expected a facehugger to jump out at

The "might" about her quest had only recently entered her mind & she couldn't shake it. She had to believe she could do it, didn't she? Otherwise, what would all that suffering be

The last Meredithe Maigret had heard was that Det. Manatee had been to a future Jupiter to visit with distant descendants in another timestream. Since then, there was no clue where

I would have worried if he did know something. Most of the time, simply knowing was half the battle. Most of the remaining 75% was showing up with some perspiration & inspiration t

Why do I have so many lights on? I am not afraid of the dark and my blindness makes their use moot. No, something else must be going on. Something I'm not privy to for some reason.

If you're the snitch, you've already got me tied up. I can't do anything to you and we both know it. That makes me have to assume you're not the snitch. I suppose you might like it

First thing I noticed when I came on shift was that I was going to be working on the Millennium Falcon again. I guess Solo finally cleared things up with the space station. I knew

The boy whirred around to look at his maternal unit again. "Now the website says that I must be human and it called me a poor sod." "That appears to be an inaccurate conclusion, gi