I leaned out the window of my car and met his eyes. The powerful headlights washed out his features. "What monsters?" I asked him. He smiled wickedly through his painful squint.

Still, free food is free food. I crunched down on each bite, splintering the bones into even smaller shards. The jagged edges scraped the insides of my throat as I swallowed.

"Huh," I said, looking at the hard, white curves of the plastic model in the window. "Your mom's hot," I said. Ted turned to look at me with a bewildered expression.

I have never seen the movie Castaway. When it comes up, nobody believes me. I tell them I won't see it on principle. It is just Robinson Crusoe for the You've Got Mail crowd.

I told them it was dimensional fatigue, but did they listen to me. Well, yes, they did the 1st time 2 times. I didn't know those 2 guys were trying to scam the Temporal Bureau. I d

This had been the 38th inspection of the infinity drive & we still couldn't find where the infinity was escaping. As it was, the legalities met, we had to sign her off as Fit for D

ew might or might not be a "I'm looking at you" gesture but that is pushing it & very like very iffy. What with all my extra knuckles they can't be sure which appendage is germane.

deep inside me during the Baroque period. In fact, something had died in me back then & yes, it was the source of my cheesy stench. Sir Thomas More was drowned in me to hide his bo

two of your men, Sire." "Which two of my men", asked the King with a sudden interest in this tiger affair. "Sergeant Meadow Lark and Corporal Tanya Laguna." "OMG, not Tina's Tanya!

The 2 spacemen were obviously arguing over what to do with us. They would point at us every once in a while as if to point out to the other that there we were. That eyestalk never

I like Coke. Don't even think of having Coke and some other cola, in the same sentence. Used to be that RC Cola edged out Coke for crispness. Then New Coke & the Cola Wars & Coke W

My first DO out of boot was a Navy SEAL who I walked in, that 1st day, while he was snorting coke off of his desk in his room. He waved me in & snorted another line before turning

and the yardangs are the bows of the whaling ships hunting them out of the ground. Wait a minute, is that the Submariner on top of the lead whale? Wut? Who let him into this story?

tes posted at the door were distracted by the other ladies. She slipped behind the shimmering curtains, into the room lit in red. There he was, asleep. She pulled the knife from

"You're a real douche," the shark growled. I shrugged. "Are we gonna do this, or what?" I asked it. I loaded the cannon and struck a match. The shark bared its rows of teeth.

Though in Nathan's case, it wasn't just the extra samples of his bakery's bread that gravitated towards his considerable waistline. The moment he got home from work, his girlfriend

To celebrate, I stretched my leathery wings wide and soared across the countryside. The peasants and their flocks trembled in fright as my monstrous shadow crossed their fields.

offer up our flesh vessels as a sacrifice to our Supreme Leader.

basement. It tasted like dust and loneliness, but it was marginally better than the sticky, dry feeling of a parched throat. Ever since the dam walls had broken, fresh water was

tines waiting to be snapped up on the stagnant black market. There's a huge supply, but no demand. You could slice them and fry them, pass it off as "pork" on the streets...