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-nother swig from the bottle of rubbing alcohol. My dumpster fire of a life had reached it's zenith. I could see it in my son's disappointed eyes. Tears began forming in the corner
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passed over me, nearly bringing me to tears. "Maybe you should eat some bananas Judy." I snarled before wiggling my nose. A banana slithered out of Judy's big mouth, then another,
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Because the m00m became a giant ball of cheese. And soon every french person sent expeditions to harvest that specimen of a cheese. It was a mix or guyere, mozarella, and ricotta.
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Ronnie Gaitano had a marketing idea to rescue his Pizzeria from the its demise as prophesied by the gypsy: Solar Eclipse Pizza! It was dark, it had cheese on it just like the moon
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"Is Chuck Norris still alive? Is he still doing those Oxyclean commercials?" I mulled over this thought before realizing with dread that Chuck was in fact not the oxyclean spokespe
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And with that, God finally had a reason to revisit civilization; as part of his duty to ensure that the mongol nation will not be allowed to destroy the world once again.
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pertly, crawling up the stairs, falling on the porch, standing there for 5 minutes before remembering to ring the bell. "Yes?" "…Oh! Hi… sorry, this visiting thing is new to me."
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to no one. Silence fell. Crazy Jed snickered, "man needs a drink!" Laughter erupted. Max hightailed it outta there, cheeks burning, rode to the next town, crept meekly into the sal
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When the saleslady continued to shove her lotion under my nose, I leaped over the counter and tipped over the lotion display in one fell swoop, making sure to flip her the bird.
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gal." Despite his words, I continued to raise the snake as my own, even going so far as to name him "zaddy". Damn what the law says, this snake loves me and I love him, no matter
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eye on some pretty freaky things." I paled at his words. In fact, I knew exactly what my search history would show. I had gone from googling "hats in llamas" to "Higgs in heels". I
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"Do I look like I eat lasagne?! Make me spaghetti you twit!" Mario twiddled his mustache nervously, nearly pissing his red overalls from sheer fear. Maria was such a demanding woma
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when you got a good shot of whiskey in his system. He was also known for his impeccably manicured toenails which were the envy of the Group Sax Society. Alfonse flaunted sandals
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with the windows rolled down, pistol in one hand and steakburger wrap in the other. Now, I made sure to stay away from that pond--lest I make it obvious I left the dead body there
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glock in my hand and said. where the fuck is my cock?! I want my cock back you disgusting person. what kind of monster would take away a cock? and I pulled the trigger to his face
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three ways have lots of problems. there's the problem of love, at some point there will come the question which one I love more, there's people. three guys? three girls? how do1
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That is until a particularly nasty earthquake had dislodged part of the door. Much to my horror, while curiously peeking through a crack, the sight of the hit man being spanked on
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Her dying took away her words but she wasn't done with the telling. Her body spelled it out. Her soul leaving was an inflection that, though expected, changed the timbre of the tal
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The rough waters avoided him like a plague. So did the shadows, the cold spots, and the bumps in the night. He didn't give it much thought. It creeped me out and I am his brother.
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The sky princess reneged on the deal and walked off with our samples because Quito's idiot cousin, Tonto, left it on the hood of her car & went across the street for a wet burrito.