"No worries," the Queen said, casually looking at my neck, "I think your head ought to fit quite nicely on pike number seven." "Oh goody," said the royal henchman as he grabbed my

husband numero tres succumbed to one of her silent but really deadlys. As a matter of fact, she also met her demise as well. #4 was dragged off to sea by a whale she'd been seeing.

Babylon. There, Spicolli picked a peach to represent the bitten breast. She took it and stuffed it into her decolletage. Now she appeared to have three breasts, but that was all

The tyranny of the moment to upturn the apple cart was well known in those days. It was also the custom during the Shadow Ages for people to brush their teeth. They didn't consider

The lemons quickly averted their eyes, terrified. His tyranny was well known around the produce department. Once he scared a watermelon so bad it spit out it's own seeds, just by

-s lips and began making a motor sound. Pappy got up and chugged around the yard and Sister Girl done 'bout wet her pants a-laughing. Mama said that was enough, there was work to

I watched the shadows of the trees pantomime a picaresque tale of how cavemen decided what the constellations were called. Thraagk thought Drunmkkof was using a line from Sirius B

Jack would be less testy if he didn’t have a debilitating rash on his backside. If it had been anywhere else (not including the private bits), he might have been more supportive.

After spending twelve years in a Georgia prison for giving a black woman a bottle of Dasani and a granola bar, Cyrus chose to knock on the Governor’s door and went back to prison

One of the problems one might face is having a face too big for one’s head. It happens to everyone at some point in their life. Or more rare, the head too big for the face.

One of the problems one might face is having a face too big for one’s head. It happens to everyone at some point in their life. Or more rare, the head too big for the face.

retold the ending with the sleeping bag at the beginning of the story. Put it that way, I sound like the asshole of the story. I know what you’re thinking. “There was no sleeping

One of my wives and I were getting out eat on at the local Mustard Hut. Our dinner was interrupted by a shout. “Caliban, stop the waiter from blowing my brains out!” One 100% trip

in our bear traps. Usually we didn't get the chance to ask, since the feral girls had long since chewed their Prada sandals off and escaped back into the swamps. But Breana hadn't

member. While the witch doctor was out, a strange little girl named Greta sneaked into his hut and stuffed her face with the Plenty candies. They were not Good, but neither was

Today Dereq heard about a girl who was born in a volcano. She wasn’t afraid of anything. Dereq sent her a box of mistletoe. Not 10 minutes later his original Moto starting buzzing.

I read my DNA at breakfast. I discovered that not only was I missing the commitment gene I was also missing the clown gene. That explains a lot. Especially that row in Quantico.

John realized he was single handedly creating a new genre: toddler horror. Imagine ???????????????????? ???????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? but with the Rugrats battling Lovecraftian menaces.

“It’s not my boots”, his girlfriend lied, “it’s my rubber underpants squeaking, because of my incontinence”. Stunned, and grimacing, he leaned in close & sniffed her for urine.

Which roughly translates to "I am a baby, therefore I am everything", which is just what a drunk philosopher like Descartes would come up with. After he awoke in the vineyards,