Having a surfeit of nothing beyond my ability to contain has not turned out the way you imagine it would. It all started when I was ejected from the pirate brotherhood for decorum.

& pointed her out. It is very important you clean the brain shaped vacuum in this women’s skull,” Dr. Wussy told the vacuum cleaner. Then he brandished a coupon at him. “Exclusions

I didn’t need my telepathy to tell what that lady was thinking when she glanced at me. “That thing isn’t from around here.” All with a writhing maelstrom of disgust in the pit of

something to the side like he was a diaper genie to get to the front of the line to pay for my purchase of elk jerky. The cashier eeeked at something behind me. It was the twenty

Blue Thighs, of the Providence Blue Thighs, was dispatched by Heaven, Inc. to investigate the matter. Saint Judy Blue Thighs, like many others, assumed Saint Jude the Obscure would

Literally everyone I've asked agrees you're not supposed to see ninjas. I am worried shitless because I saw one. He was crossing the street all ninja. But it was broad daylight. Am

how I feel about his defense of dwelling on memes. Now consider how his imprimatur moves influencers. In the case of the asteroid communities that includes their psuedoquasi govern

I should've known the Tanjoora would check back 95 generations. I had a radical ancestor 95 generations back. He made some comment on a social network then that was keeping me off

was to be found in the midway. With the amusement park operating under social distancing rules attendance was down. That meant less money for the community at large. Sandusky Sally

He handed me a flower of creation, and bade me poke it in my pipe. I took a little toke and said, "Yeah, Dad, that's all right. But what if I were to tell you that I am actually

Airos, you must set your weapons of chalangra and murtos aside, and your body as well, for I have a great purpose for you. "But Dad, my abs and pecs are at peak beauty! How could

Looking back, I should have been more suspicious of how gladly they waved me into that role. Sure, Janessa and Jermaine (né Chet) and I made a great backup trio for Blue Clyde, but

from my hand and clattered to the floor, Chairman Moa's piranhas set upon me and chewed away most of my toenails, (they were very small piranhas), which I had just pedicured. That

Wetting one's whistle is a long established tradition. You know me. I'm Mister Traditional. But where to wet my whistle? I went on Grindr to find a place. There I met up with Terit

By now my lungs were aching for air. Lloyd Bridges grabbed me by the armpits and dragged me to the surface just before I passed out. When I awoke in the hospital, I asked about

the hour hand on the clock tower. He watched, stunned, as a shock wave of electricity leapt from the clock and onto a tree, setting it ablaze. The tree then fell onto the awning of

a demon named xzeñu passing itself off as alien. I never saw Norma Jean in the flesh again. She changed her name and became a movie star. When she died I asked xzeñu to tell her I

I ended up on the outside looking in at myself looking out. I don’t know which of me was more embarrassed. Still, I powered through and learned something about myself. I was not in

Writing about my fingers covered in warm yolk made me not do the thing I was writing about doing. By then the yolks were cold and unappealing. They would never make the cover. A sp

set of a Fast & Fabulous prequel involving Riddick. They were counting money. They didn’t notice a missing red sports car. I flipped them the bird as I drove off in it. Jordana’s