It was the recipe for Jesus' waterwalking sandals, a Joseph patent original and family secret. He wagged his tail. As soon as he finished making himself a pair, he was going to

"It's Betty," he said, lowering his arm. "Sorry, I'm meant to be in the drug rehab therapy group." "Third door on your left," the proctor said. "Now, Disco Clown Etiquette 101. How

was stricken from the alphabet for its rude entendres. Alphabetti Spaghetti had to be recalled from store shelves. "None of this 'pee pee' business!" said Oprah Judy, dictator-for-

Motivation was found dead in a pool of its own blood. The funny thing is, it can't really die by its own hands. Paradoxical suicide. It was murdered a la the Orient Express. Fading

She hated the looks she missed. As a tear-stained, bone-skinny youth, she had been happier than she was now, with two happy marriages in her past, and a happy courtship progressing

lyache as much as I want, but I'm definitely not a memoirist. You may blame me for anything from nihilism to post-Impressionism (even witticisms are acceptable) but I am blameless.

up on all sides, and nobody knew where to look. The ads were getting bigger. "What should we do?" said Elizabeth quietly, but she was drowned out by the nefarious advertisements.

"That's what I was going to say." "But I said it first." "Well, do you know what?" "Of course I do! Do you?" "What? Of course I do!" "Then what is what?" "Well, I'd have say what's

, and he slowly choked to death. With his last not-breath, he gasped, "I've never played Mario Kart." With that, she knew she had made the right decision.

You tried to spin yourself some makeshift wings, but they were nowhere near as colorful as those the butterflies had. It was a normal day at your web, when you saw a caterpillar

taxes were at an all-time-high and all us wizards were feeling the burn. I re-chanted my "sanctify wallet" spell just in time for my next eight-hour rest. I curled my lizard tail

If what he wanted was a slave, he should have read the Terms and Agreements. Not to mention the Privacy Policy. Nothing about slavery was mentioned there.

And if you thought it was Charles Schulz, think again. Do you even know what SoCal culture is? I thought not.

Peripherally? Pulchritudinous? Platitude? Promontory? Prague? Or... defenestrate? Defenestration of Prague? We may never know.

Most of you only ever hold one word in your hands at a time. My central computer is on the fritz so I get a lot of words in my hands. My mind doesn't have the Dewey decimal system.

Claude the gay dragon was proud of who he was, which was a problem for King Tarbot who found adventurers didn't take the matter of a kidnapped prince seriously. Luckily, the prince

I wasn't there at the beginning of umbilical tech, but the first satellite to ever use it had a movie theater. I was however at the forefront of leaving the galaxy. "Excrement," I

Mountain nymphs such as Otrera are paid mere pennies a week for the work we Chaverians don't want to do. She has dreams of going to law school, but she needs your donations to

r, plastic as the day we bought him. Sparky was starting to look good to Cassandra. Cassandra was a Sim from The Sims, and redecorated other Sims' homes to ugly abominations. Ray

Alef was thrown off guard. He had expected to find the Dragonlord in his armor with sword in hand. Not this. Did he think me so little a threat, he thought to himself. He drew his