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Ian was too self-absorbed, spending many hours rating his masturbationary reflexes. Call it what you will, but I found the whole affair to be rather boring; so, I skipped town.
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Chumlee Brown, big and round, belly hanging to the ground, face that rivals a frowning clown, brain as light as flamingo down, has been elected to the Alabama senate. God help us!
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When I arrived in Hollywood, I got a job with Disney Studio delivering scrips to actors. My first stop? The home of Charles Fleischer. I knocked on the door: Roger Rabbit answered.
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I bought a restaurant, located in a landfill, called “Holy Shit it’s only Wednesday,” and served a cocktail called "Missy Takes a Big Dump in the Woods," every day but Wednesday.
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"Mom, thanks for breakfast but I'm not going to school today or ever. What a waste. At this stage I'm already a crowdsourced personality with 50+ revenue streams. So, see ya! Bye!"
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dled an unquenchable thirst for pink tea that I dare say I hadn't before. Who was it who abandoned my regiment in search of curries and hidden holy scriptures? I ask myself
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her mother-in-law’s seven story walkup on the outskirts of some random foreign town in Montana. She had heard me quoting my Uncle Kevin about where parakeets belonged. Winter and I
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The little great man chuckled diffidently. "Please, Nickolai. You keep the reins. They fit well in your hands. I bestow my grace on thee. Be gracious unto others, and perhaps even
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. "Time in one hand, time in the other. See which one–" "No, Tomas, we have four hands here." My brother thought we were silly. "Time is the fourth string," he said as he strummed
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They started doing Super Bowl halftime shows and being interrupted by Kanye when ordering Chili’s curbside. The label controlled their every move. They’d Sold Out, accidentally.
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that were planning to open a vegetarian restaurant called "Everything Chimpanzee Meat". Stupid termites! They didn't even know that chimpanzees were not made of plant matter. They
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So I planted her one right on the kisser, and she turned around and kissed my planter. I always knew she loved it more than she loved me. "Herb, you're a drag," she drawled as she
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This swap meet was open for business. Before long she was looking haggard and he was barely floating. He was not worthy of being used in a Sopwith Camel. Then DeMille called them.
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Her sweet sour sweat dripped onto his tongue. That wet his whistle. It was like nectar straight from the teat. She brought the bull whip out. She briefly caressed his skin with it.
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Ever after, it was known as the Night of 1007 Papercuts. Mandy didn't let her keep her from filing her documents on time and in the proper place. Sharon was not so lucky. She chose
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Eating ass? I'm not into that shit. I mean, if I did, I would eat the shit out of that ass. Just not literally. Now, if you want to talk about boofing LSD with an LDS wearing chain
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When the creature bend it's serpentine neck close to the water, I thought of green tea ice cream in a pale green cup on a blood soaked green linoleum floor with Sara Smile playing.
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Every tale a story, every story a tale. So it was with a knife and even a life. The living edge is keen. You need to be just as sharp. The moments didn't care if you were or not.
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Every word I say is true even the lies. Really anything I write if completely made up on the spot. Which spot, you might be asking. Imagine a spot. That spot. What are you going to
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That wasn't a sense of humor That was people knowing where they belonged and what was allowed from them. If Randolph Scott was here, he'd show them what is what and what isn't.