The guards were embossed into the living rock and their names taken away. Through the long ages they forgot they ever had one. They recognized each other by their missions only.

"Creeps checking up on creeps is like crepes cooked on the wrong side of the pan." So began, Quirfaghbai, that late afternoon in November. He was letting us share his sauna because

I liked it like that. I really didn't care for children or their birthday parties. I put out my shingle one dark night, Humorless the Clown, PI. The cases I handled were usually

Suddenly a wild wind barreled up at us and knocked George into the statue and he didn't come out. George had found what he had been looking for, just not how he would like it. My

ed some new bars. That last time I had been there I felt like Bruce Dern in Rio Bravo. I looked at the others who were taking the ride with us. The guy with the ripped gouges had

who was dressed in a wigwam eating rats & lots of spam. His squeaky voice made me moist. I fought myself to keep it cucumber but I could already hear the orange juice pouring down.

and then tripped over the USA TODAY case. They kept forgetting it was there since it was always empty. Randall had still been doing jazz hands when he hit the floor & his fingers

"Oh we don't have to go that far," she said from behind him. "I can meet you half way," she said and plucked both his eyes out. The vending machine comes to mind and she smiles.

Colin was about to argue against that characterization of him but he when he looked around it seemed the other pub patrons felt the same. So Colin shut his fat mouth & watch footb

ther Buffbiff was wondering if you might recant your story by Vespers or if he needs to start looking for a new lamp oil salesman." The pain of the manacles kept me from answering.

t though. It is funny for me. I'm known for my anus. So what? We've all got one and a lot of people are assholes. So what?" I liked her candor and asked if I could caress her bare

on't you dare press that Red Button or you'll not get a banana at 2nd breakfast." By this time Bilbo was beyond heeding my warning or even his Space Chimp 4000 programming. He put

and my eyes are up there." "Damn babygirl, you know I need those chairs because we're sinking. I am not stealing. I am surviving and it is best if you thought to do the same. Pluck

"Just make sure he doesn't swallow or bite his tongue & mind he doesn't have a fit on the good furniture. If he does there will be Hell to pay & you know what that means for Vinny.

the town jail. I ran free of the other kids that had been watching & I got the watch he'd had to leave behind. It wasn't a watch after all. It was but it was also a handcuff. The

I thought it might have been Dirk Dently, but I couldn't say that. Could I. The man in the moon told me something long ago, when I was bright. He said, "Its ending one day and you

conjure up a good enough excuse for him to do so. Which, of course, she couldn't. And yet here the deputy was. Ever since Stanger Things came out, the sheriff got spooked at every

Boy Toy de Jour on call that morning was Trent but he claimed to be spent. We called in the supernumerary, Omar Peck. This was before the steidle device. Long before. Omar had been

Some say that I overuse the comma. I have to. It is the only way I can get to a chameleon; after a bunch of commas. Their skin can be red, green and gold, red green and gold. Boy

I got a little bit grabby and she didn't stop me. "You don't need to steal anything in here Miss Manners, it already belongs to you." I meant something else but there it was in the