o each shoe. But little boy Centipede's main concern was not his mother's nagging. All of a sudden, a giant hand reached down and grabbed poor little Centiboy off the ground!

set for him, but I still needed him and his mice to leave if I was going to sell my house for good money. But when I requested he leave, the Grand Duke mouse jumped at my face and

The sweat dribbled onto the floor and I fell face-down. The audience gasped as I jumped back up & caught all the bananas and chainsaws falling from above, but one of the chainsaws

As she handed Glenn the card of her cousin Krotar, she mentally pictured the Knight of Swords and sent her cousin a warning. Glenn took the card and looked at her. "Were you just

I started designing bedrooms I will never see in homes I'll never step foot in. Concensus had deemed me unfit to board the Arkship. Something about my bloodline & religion. Jebus!

My poor language and my world can only find one word to describe the film that forms on the eyeball of a dead man floating in the river run. It is not a word I can utter in mixed

It was the summer of '89 and I was in my senior year at high school. My parents decided to go away for the weekend so I had the house to myself. I asked my cult to come over and we

they were still skating circles around the ice rink. He looked down at his bloody corpse, shoved into the back of the shoe storage cupboard. Blood still trickled sluggishly from

went to a BBQ at a friend's house and offered to grill the sausages. I mistook my sausage fingers for the actual sausages and let them sizzle. I didn't realise until the dog, Fido,

was far less enjoyable - there were bugs crawling over my skin, and things melted if you looked at them for too long. I was much happier idling in the mainstream reality.

This man was, perhaps, the pinnacle of all evil. The worst of the worst. His crime, you ask? Well... he leaves the toilet seat up after he's peed.

I set down my pen and tried to read over the words I'd scrawled across the page. My handwriting was like an italicised train wreck. Maybe my brain was too far ahead of my hand.

I decided to ask him. "Hey, buddy," I said, meeting his forty eyes. "What's wrong with your hat?" He blinked slowly, and all of his eyes were out of sync. "Not pink," he clicked.

book cover, and we're good to go on our book tour to all the Ape Houses in the tri-state area. I'm sure that the zookeepers will invest in this valuable chimp guide. I'll be rich!

"How many islands have you given you first born son?" "11." "How many did you give to your youngest son?" "7 & I gave my daughter 3. Why do you ask?" "You gave the humans 37." Eyes

I got Shanghaied by the dishes and then by breakfast in the afternoon. Then by depressurization. Would I emerge a clean man once again? The tea leaves were murky. That says a lot.

I told myself that I was only going with the flow when in Rome. This was the state of humanity in this universe. I could act like a brute because that is what they were. I knew bet

Looking into a mirror is intrinsically evil. That heresiarch was right about one thing even if he didn't know how many fingers to bless with. Mirrors multiply the evil.

was leading a ragtag team of survivors through the streets of Tampa. Shopkeepers, junkies, & others, all looking to him because he wore sergeant stripes for a once upon a time army

Kevin like to have things follow their own schedule which is what he did. He only bothered with the lawn when it worked with his schedule. The grass had its own. Mowing ensued.