shimmered in the sunlight, and a dollop of blood still kissing the blade flung its way into Uimuikii's left eyeball. "I surely hope that wasn't

In our small village, the School Teacher was an important person. She stood in equal standing with the Witch Doctor, the Medical Doctor, the Apothecary, and the Alchemist. She,

Of course, I will furrow my brow. I'm all in. To make sure I did it right I went to the mirror. When I saw what I looked like I almost defenestrated myself into a 1929 rural Peru.

once upon a drumbeat I spilled my guts out for you. you only went through them to see the future and then fed me to the dogs. i curse that drumbeat and the whores it rode on.

having to perform in a traveling variety troupe which was't much more than a traveling whorehouse but for him. Barkers rarely get applauded but Mr. Cazzo got that honor every night

worry about Hrengor inserting his dollops face down into #17's bill slot ever again. 17 was so grateful that after a while he began giving Hrengor free Clark bars. Hrengor knew it

(And it was a very long nose, indeed.) The New Elephant Man earned millions with his perfume business. But as he sat in his Tuscan villa, looking out at the vineyards with his

eat the rest of this bread, because it is a dry Bavarian rye, and I've never been particularly fond of rye to begin with, but this particularly

to entertain the thought beyond that. A mistake I soon realized as the coins, which by the way, I had stolen from the Lover's Fountain in Florence, rained down and struck Mean Joe.

chain wasn't sustainable so I had to bring the ants into the tent. When the termite food disagreed with my appendix we had to part ways with the appendix. And good riddance. Later,

Ted was at the Saezl Family Reunion/Speed Dating function at the WeBilhkue Resort Hotel in the center of Dilley Texas, Watermelon Capital of the World. Ted was on his third cousin.

be out of town for the whole season but do try me the following year." Then she left with my suitcase & my money & I let her. I already needed her to stop herself for me because I

I'm going to speak you and your son forever because the pair of you disappoint.

The New Elephant Man is the Mandela Effect of 2019. Believe it or don't. Some of us remember the New Elephant Man while most of you only ever had the one.

Don't ask me where the slow purple learned to duck crawl, because I'm still trying to get my head around a hard-working cat. That'll be the day. The slow purple was so slow that

I dream that I dream this every night. The dream that couldn't dream itself was a lonely dream, by all accounts. I'm told this dream once romanced Rudolph Valentino & Brad Pitt on

The cat thought me tamed & I could live with that. For now. I was rewarded with all the usual pleasures, virtues, vices, & women who knew their way around a whip. When the vice was

him well enough, so I had to deal with his horrendous dad jokes for the rest of the night. When he walked into the room, he immediately started scanning the room for a table to

swears has the ability to fix any disease that I could conjure or possess. This doesn't stop my hands from shaking as I write this, alas, so I hope this is a legible account of

monopoly on the entertainment industry; not out of evil or greed but because the Ringwraiths are known for putting on the best shows physically possible, so I, of course, will be