The phone rang a third time. There was a pause and then a voice asked, "Is this Patrick?" "Yes. This is Patrick," answered Patrick. The voice on the phone muttered something & hung

That’s why I had to find the toilet fast. I hobbled my way across the corridors, frantically searching for the sacred men’s room. My knees touched and my legs were crossed together

I remember dodging a pirate's sword and dropping the microphone into the fishtank but I don't remember anything about these sutures on my chest or the large naked woman in my bed.

I remembered that in the first Charlie Brown Goes to Hell dream we were in dugout catamarans fleeing down the Gambeezi River from a shitload of Weebles trying to make us fall down.

It's a pipe dream because it's the dream you have after I wop your head with a pipe. What else did you think it meant? Come to think of it, maybe I haven't hit you hard enough yet.

I had planned on making a simple grilled cheese on pumpernickel but then Bulimia said she wanted a peppercorn mayonnaise and arugula on hers. Now I wanted sprouts, feta, & avocado.

little Lord. Then the Lord resurrected him & he did the same thing all over again. This just sent the Lord into even more laughter. Soon the other Lord Gods got interested in Man.

"Your parents don't count," I told him. Miles deflated and said, "OK, maybe somebody wants to kill me randomly. Maybe I was a target of opportunity. I can be very unappealing."

Hello Kitty book bag & tazed him twice. He wasn't phased & laughed it off. His mouth moved a lot like he was talking but after all that I only heard, "Now you've earned a killing."

as Tom Barnes, Junior Account Representative at a new startup called Biscuits by the Bunch. Having defeated the Sun didn't really pay his rent, so much, as make it more expensive.

As he beat back the demon he realized that this demon really was a Jehovah's witness. The demon had started off as an angel in a choir of angels around Jehovah witnessing Glory.

put that one down as another 2 souls lost to the Godkiller, mistletoe. Nurse Babs left behind two rookie nurses who fainted when taking pinprick samples. Notch up 3 more for their

Their hollow eyes reminded me that I might have to explain myself to them. I put the gun away. "Hello, I'm a nurse. Nurse What actually. That was a dangerous mistletoe that I shot.

"I've heard of it." "How can you have heard of it if I just made it up right now?" "I guess I must have heard it from you then." "Oh yeah, you were here. Lets go foist it somewhere

Luckily I suffered with munchausen syndrome by proxy and I had my proxy do my dreaming for me. So I got Kimberly when she was a woman of my dreams. Proxy got her as nightmare man.

The accuracy or veracity of what I am about to say is beyond question. It is also beyond answer. Lets just say it is beyond and leave it at that. All that also applies in here. If

My cats wore me out. They were the hit of the party. The only pithy thing that Meowlle could come up was to compare my eyes to a full moon after a couple baby mice. My cats purred.

I took my meds a while ago. I guess I should really look into that whole breakfast thing. It doesn't seem all that cool now that there is actual work involved. My will is still in

The Chipmunks starting chanting "One Sub-Ohm Tank to rule them all, for dry, oil, or wax." Hermione & Arwen combined their powers into wielding a flying Excalibur in Batman's face.

My longevity solution was to add water. I just had to get that down before I forgot it.