He used to have 6 magic beans, but last Thursday he'd gotten a little peckish. Today, he was going to plant the other magic beans in the dirt beneath his immobile van and see what

It has been noticed quite regularly that in Luton everybody's mother is a munter or a bremelo. Being both seemed to be all they aspired to be. One such was our hero's mum, Olivia.

bodice ripping yarns later and there was a call for more brass and leather accouterments be added to the game. Phineas argued that the cost was nearing the tipping point & beyond

barely heard from a passing car made me even angrier. It was the Eagles "Hotel California". I didn't get angry on my account but on Jeff Lebowski's. It was his house, after all.

the gravy on. They think they've arrived at a hospital, but little do they know that this is my kitchen! Mwahaha!" Dr. Mash bellowed. This was the most violent kids show Katie had

by children ended in them getting more candy, only time-outs. Wait no, that wasn't it. But actually, I think it's better. Director! Can I change my line? No? How about

"Beer Barrel Polka" on the bassoon, again. Our lips are too dry to even play a home-made kazoo. But Saint Peter doesn't mind. In fact, he's relieved. There's far too much music in

She lacks fashion sense, though. I want to help but I don't want to fall under the rusalka's spell. Plus, all of my exes tried to make me into someone I was not, so I didn't want

Just tonight...only a few moments ago...the aliens released the Chester County White breed domesticated pig called Arnold Ziffel X and a politician calling himself Mike Pece.

The gardener to the man who coined the phrase: "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" has tied the knot with Chas Bono's hairstylist.

Stupid plus uneducated equals money...power...fame...in the Age of Mediocrity...self-obsession, narcissism, overachievement...those are the skills of the future workforce.

my dad eating my mom in the utility room. She was still trying to beat him off but she had lost so much blood she was dying. When I grabbed dad’s arm to pull him away the arm came

Something is sluggishly trying to defend itself. Identity has been jettisoned at this point. Existence is the prize that wants keeping. Identity can be rebuilt or not, but none of

Pistachios for breakfast, toothpaste for dinner. Every day getting thinner & thinner. When I look at tomorrow, I can almost see the day after. The blood of sinners to wash it down.

"There must be a repeat to re-heat the fold," the Wizard-General always said, but when the upstart heard this, he rolled his eyes . "Snake-eyes!" shouted the Wiz as the eyes hit

(We won't say where, but those pitchforks and torches certainly smelled funny.) The cosmologists rushed towards Bob's evil castle with their stinking implements, shouting slogans

and the seven sister starts of the Pleiades put on go-go boots and shimmied in formation. Saturn shook its rings and Orion stood on one foot and played flute like Ian Anderson.

Below that, an even smaller sig read: "Disregard all previous signs". The crone behind the counter cackled. The sound was like seventeen ice-laden pine trees falling in the woods.

Like a bullet shot straight up, I fall to Earth aimlessly, in a gravitational headlock, unaware of my own pending doom or the doom of those I love and desire most. c'est la vie!

wreaking havoc across town in gargantuan ways. By the time Roy had licked his fingers clean, half the town was left in a smoldering pile of rubble, with Smalley at the center of it