An Amazon package came to my doorstep, even if I didn't order anything. It had to be a hundred pounds at least, and when I opened it, it was my fifth grade teached, Mr. Armitage.

Sensing his predicament, Gerta whipped the tinfoil off her deli sandwich and wrapped it around his head. "Is that any better?" she asked the strange, rambling man. "Tin foil dogs!"

provided as much auditory satisfaction as the explosion of flavor which had just recently graced my taste buds. On the verge of sensory overload, I reached out to grasp anything

Yet, at this moment, my anxieties abated as I picked one up. For some reason, the numbers which filled the screen quelled any feelings of self-consciousness which may have crept

he revolted. He extended his saw arm and chased the armies of the undead robots back to hell from whence they came or back to the smelter before they could drag the country into wa

Of course, everyday Em ee would also kick down said door. With a mocking smile (bc imperf constr), the android would say, rather mockingly (ironic), "time to get up, sleepy head"

to do with these neurotic women. First you sell their private details online and then you buy them dinner." My shrink was greatly impressed at my knowledge of the opposite sex and

ggested a stroll along the canal. Lady Elise agreed immediately but Patrice, her chaperone, insisted that Lady Elise had to attend the evening mass at Gribbley's Pantheon. I hated

worked so hard for this moment! How could all her time come to waste like this? How could she ever look her cat in the eye again when she was such a failure?

The brunch was conical and comical as well. Melon in the shape of a traffic cone, sculpted with loving detail like

salt mines. They would pepper their hair with the white grains so as to gain it's strength. This made for

with my grandmother's eldest dog. He just died, making me the victor." He spread his hands out, as if to show me the size of his

received scathing reviews. "Too thick!", one person wrote. "Not nearly eggy enough," another scoffed. I put my hands in the air, screaming:

contracted pneumonia more times than any person alive. But, to view Ed the Swami in all his glory, you must first master the Habit of the Clean Mind, so that nudity invokes only

e’ll do,” said the captain, “Fire!” Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Nikolai had managed to somehow drown himself in a koi pond. Back in Moscow, Rasputin rubbed his hands together sinisterly.

the pouring rain was bliss. Carlotta in the middle of it was a dream come through, ad Amanda joined her in the beach scene of Park Eve. The water ran down their necks and soaked

Huron Ze was mildly bemused and delighted at the feeling of his phantom eyes expressing bemusement and delight at still having a shipping address despite his being postincarnate. W

"Things like the super wedgie simulator and the TP distributor. All Around the world my code is keeping people in plush toilet paper!" "At least the last one's useful," I scoffed.

Maria was very excited for the experience on Reality Island, it looked beautiful in the glossy magazine pictures. Two weeks of Reality! Maria's airplane was just about to land. She

Ryan unsheathed his sword, mowing down countless demons arising around him, and approached the creature. It thrived in its ice-cream cone. Ryan didn't understand. Was it controllin