My latest dieting epiphany is the all-pill diet. For breakfast I have 2 glucosamine/chondroitins, a calcium, a vitamin D, 2 vitamin Cs, a baby aspirin, & a large ginko biloba. For

With my mind's eye focused on the idea that an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually create a work of Shakespeare I set about assembling

Really i could see my life come to an end. Was this really how i was supposed to leave? Someone pointing a pomegranate at me. i was so terrified that I

The hotline rang at 3 AM. "Hillary?" asked Obama. "Nyet!" "Vlasik?" "Good grief, Barack, it's me, Uncle Josef! Just calling to give you some more tips for populace control."

This is a story of how I changed. Ive been living since 180 years. I feed on animals and have fangs. I never have regretted how I feel and here is how it all happened

Claire's eyes were filled with fury hatred and she pulled out a gun and aimed towards Linda. She put her in the air, afraid as Claire shot. The foam bullet pierced Linda's shoulder

Fred said hey Hello Mary says What are you doing today? Fred said. Not much where's bob? Said Mary. I don't know maybe at the park Fred said said. Ok thanks. That's alright Mary.

The tutu really made his outfit, he thought. Why he hadn't worn them before was a mystery, but seeing the envious stares of his coworkers as he walked into Taco Bell, waving his

Shadows billowed across the patterned floor, concealing the dark figure who stood at the end of the hallway. Fear paralyzed me as I realized the sight of this figure had literally

There are multiple parallel universes that go out to infinity. Every action has an alternative action. In one, you take two sheets from the roll; in another, five. In another, you

This is the story of how I, Frank Burgstein, humble professional coprophiliac, got to be the first pope who wasn't Catholic, and the only pope to convert the whole world.

I remember hearing that people would put coins on the eyes of a dead man as payment for Charon to cross the river Acheron. I wish someone bothered doing that for me because

I've became obsessed with gaining super speed, so much so that every time it storms, I run to my chemical set, hoping a stray bolt of lightning will strike, just like in the Flash

Sixteen years after her brutal death, I awoke to find my girlfriend painting her toe nails on the side of my bed. She was pale and smelled faintly of embalming fluid. She looked at

Once upon a time, there was a girl who wanted to teach middle school. She studied very hard in high school and decided to go to Georgia Southern University to get her degree

Jeb Maverick was the original cowboy troll, dating back to San Fran '49. He was known to shout "Gold!" in crowded saloons and

One day, God farted. And celebrities were born.

It's so fun being a leprechaun. We have more powers than you think. This one time, I replaced the drumsticks of a jam band's drummer with two magic wands. During the first set

"You want to date Luanda? Then you have to sleep with me. And I don't mean 'rest' either. I mean knocking the boots." Ted stared at Tammy. She was serious. She was totally dis

What on Earth are you going to say to this, I wonder?