She was unsure of her date and even more unsure about being outside, so she peed on his heated leather seats and waited while it cured in, insurance against future dates.

If i tell you why i have six toes on my left foot, then will you sleep with me, she asked my friends and I.

We used to ride our bikes through the abandoned transmat docks, among rusty girders, phasing freight containers and veils of shimmering screams. One time at night Jimmy rode

Since the ice storm is going 2hit,I grabbed my grocery list and went 2 the store. The list was torn &wet, so I did my best to read it. OhMan. 1. Thumbtax, or was it Tampax?

It was the prince who killed the dogs, not the servant. But the servant got blamed, of course!

Outside the 'Pizza Palace' 2 innocent takeawayers are approached by Robin Hobo: "I am here to liberate those pizzas, ladies, and give them to hobos. Now, hand them over."

"I bet I can shed faster than you," said the snake. "Not so!" said the blue crab. As they speed-molted, Aesop rolled his eyes. Animals would try anything to star in his next Fable.

The whistle sounded. The girls leg went back to strike it. This was it. I only had to make this one save and we were the champs. I took a deep breath and watched as the ball flew.

Are bleach and chlorine the same thing? Is there a difference, besides need for water, between turtles and tortoises? What IS the most annoying sound in the world? Also,

Anyone who might have glanced my way would think nothing of me walking through the neighborhood in the morning. It was a school day and kids carry bags to school all the time.

"I'm a fountain of blood, in the shape of a girl!' screamed Björk. "All is full of love! My name's Isobel!" This was the worst yet - nothing could contain her as she raved and

The coroner drops the brain onto the scale. Scribbles a note. "Well?" asks Det. Manatee, munching on a celery stick. The coroner shuts his notebook. "Erototoxin overdose." He takes

Phil looked at Anita incredulously. "You can't be serious! It can't be done!" Anita only narrowed her eyes at him. "Phil, don't make me question my attraction - to your brain."

So the old lady opened the bank's letter. "We regret to inform you Ma'am but we are foreclosing on your shoe." She didn't need this. She had so many children, and now this?

I wedged my cupped hand between my cheeks and THEN farted. It made a hollow noise. Then I deftly lifted my hand to my nose and inhaled the

It was bad timing of Holmes to experiment with designer drug Titters, inducer of laughing fits, just when Lady Boogers came to consult over the vanishing of her husband, Sir Olive.

John Glover popped up into my vision, sitting at my desk. "Hi, Lex! I found ya, Lex! Lex! Leeeeex! Leeeeeex!" "What, dad?" I asked, exasperated. "You're bald, son." He smiled.

"The right hand didn't know what the left was doing!", Inspector Wojkowczski said as he sifted through the evidence submitted by Det. Manatee. Det. Manatee looked at the evidence.

Stop! Everybody needed to stop! If one person moved even an inch they would be

"Dad, dad, dad!" Alex said while running to her father. "You won't beleive what happened! I went to school and i met this person!" Her father looked at her and then said