"I'm sorry, Mr and Mrs MacKenzie, but your child will always be a little outside of time, and nothing to be done about it. I'm a poet, too, you know, but there's no money in it."

But, that was before I stared into the frozen blackness. Distance, depth it has no meaning there. No what really has meaning is when the blackness stares back. That night, the eyes

The storm railed against the house with thunder so loud, it was deafening. Then, it happened. The sky opened up and it swallowed me whole.

Now son do you have your license? You can only bag one. Here is my blade and be sure to tag the head. Watch out for those Jubjub birds and frumious Bandersnatch. Now go.

Scruntchnugget, Jacob Nealy's pothead cat was central part of his plan to break out of the Big Bone Lick Correctional Facility. Scrunchnugget was supposed to hide in Santas

No one has ever been in an empty room

In Hungary, a museum finally opened to allow ponies in to see the Holy Right Hand of St. Stephen, a controversial and tremendous act done like none before.

Jarrow was only 23 when he chose to join the homeless wealthy. He went and lived wherever he pleased with his portagrid and pocket manifestor (years before the integrator). But whe

"Of course the LGBT community doesn't exist," muttered Dan, adjusting his tinfoil hat. "It's all a government conspiracy." He poked me on the forehead. "So stop acting like you

All three of us crowded around the Ouija Board. The second, excited, asked "Hey, does using this make us necromancers?" "Nay, 'tis but marked plastic." Noted the fourth.

"Welcome, Baltimore Zooians, to your first Animal Etiquette class. I am Mr. Johnson, the..." *BURRRP* "...cover your mouth with your forelimb when burping, Mr. Walrus. Our first

Jimmer-dimmer Habby-Babby Cheddareater Smith hated his name, so he changed it to Jimmer-dimmer Habby-Babby Cheddareater Jones.

Mrs. Comfrey rapped on the blackboard and listened. She drew a circle with her special chalk, and laid some salt in the chalk tray, as well as jalapenos, banana peppers, huevos

"How dare you disrespect cow folk! We are among the most intelligent members of the ungulate family." "Cudchewers farts is messing up the weather. I hear a bald monkey say so."

If I have to listen to "Livin' La Vida Loca" just ONE MORE TIME... I will not be held responsible for my actions!

Earth had finally settled down to a simmer, and the Galactic Ambassadors were about to introduce themselves with a cough or whatever, but Earth went all spooky in springtime and

The moral of this story is that sometimes taking a different path to a known destination can change the way we travel forevermore. Our tale begins with two friends in a coffeeshop

"Check my stomach. Do I feel fat?"

OK, here's the deal. You get: all the beer you can drink, all the weed you can smoke, all the food you can eat, unlimited multimedia entertainment and $40,000. I get:

One night around Thanksgiving, feeling randy and loving life, we removed a motorized shopping cart from schnucks and rode it home. We had plans to Bling it out & painted it Gold.