“Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating a hemorrhoid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.” The Proctologist looked at his Medical Assistant, he raised his laytex-gloved hand

Her violet dress and the violets on the corsage Fred had given her matched perfectly.Fran was so happy she was going to Prom with the most handsome and charming guy in the school

"Bucky, leave!" Captain America yelled.

The black hole punch on Darlene's desk could tear through card stock AND the fabric of space-time. I was sure of it; I'd seen a special on NOVA. I cautiously approached her cubicle

This new art app is just a reminder people are too lazy for words. They only want pictures. I have no talent. I just blew seven dollars on making myself miserable all over again.

The guilt clock is leaking time away.

"OH YEEEEESSSS!" said the portly Comic Con fan, as he approached a hairy Princess Leah look-alike. "I've got them moob's like Jabba... you wanna touch my belly?"

The arial only recieved two signals, a French-Canadian Curling Channel and a Baptist Home Shopping Network. But when the storms came, a new picture emerged from the static snow.

As I gazed over the canyon filled with squid, I thought about my 12 children and wonder what could come of them. Then I dove in. The millions of squid fought hard but one by one I

I had just sold my neighbor on E-bay, without him knowing.

Most people wouldn't add to perverted folds, and so many stories never reached their end. This was due to a troll named Al Gore adding nasty sentences to many of the stories.

On the next deep space probe, we attached a hard drive containing all the LOL cat memes ever created. We hope that aliens will understand.

I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo and tweet tweet birdsong. Just prior to reaching samadhi a rabid panda bites me in the ass. I achieve enlightenment but as a half

La femme mystérieuse était sur la plage à Nice. Elle attendait le soleil....elle ne voulait plus vivre. Sans Jésus, son petit chien rose, sa vie était misérable

I had given up trying to be an expert home chef, but I couldn't give up the fix-it. So I found uses for some of my old items. Mustard seed make great temporary ball bearings. Meat

Among the relics found at the Beatles auction was one slightly used portable hole from the Yellow Submarine movie. It was bought by

Greg came home to a lightless house. "Sara?" He was sure he had paid the power bill. There was a dark humming coming from the kitchen. He saw Sara's shoe by the black fridge. Greg

"If this legend is true Wolfgang, we should stop digging now. The Euphrates used to pass here at the base of the city gates of Uruk. What if Gilgamesh returns?" "Pah! Superstitious

his eyes came into to focus. He had a hard night bartending and now someone was poking his nose. "Choclate pancakes, Now!" The 3-year old in Spiderman PJs hopped on the bed.

Fish were falling from the sky - specifically haddock, though it was reported that one house down the lane had been covered in squid instead. It was July in Scrumpy, Georgia, so