Finished Folds (101—120)
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1a time since I last rubbed one out, so no regrets. I smiled casually at the passing skateboarders, hoping they would not notice the evidence of my
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2the Pringles I ate last night). That remained me of Idaho and the Tater Tot festival when I
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4I'm a lesbian, dear." I was like, no shit, Sherlock. If her penchant for flannel didn't give it away, it would be her oblivious reaction to the armless, footless - but cute man in
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3a big show tunes fan, so I knew it would be a hit at the office. But my primary concern about writing the script at work was
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4That's because fathers, unlike mothers, inherently understand that when it comes to syringes, it's best to
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1What's His Face. He was secretly a power bottom and the word around the kitchen was you can tell he's the "head" chef because he's the one with the dirty knees. But his
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9It was cavernous and empty, like a JCPenneys or the contents of Justin Beiber's skull. Luckily, the orthopedic shoes allowed for
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1Donald's lab. That was bad enough, but her previous co-worker used the dinosaurian DNA to
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4constant whirring and clicking. But that was not as bad as the disturbing grin the semi-fossilized Regis wore on his face like a demented
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4Hey, I objected to that. Sure, I'd been enrolled on and off in the local community college for the past 26 years with no degree to show for it, but Jabba's words stung in a way I
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1the residuals from Good Vibrations also were drying up. This led the former Marky Mark to
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3I swear, it was just like mom used to make back when
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5You gotta check this out, I said to no one in particular in the crowded room as I hiked up my shirt to show off my
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3Fresh out of the shower, I admired my girth in the foggy mirror. Middle age had made me fat with rolls of flesh and the kind of rippled cellulite flesh I used to make fun of when I
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3... th ... the pictures to Faceoook. The only person who liked them was my mom. How embarrassing. So, I
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1Luckily, a good Brazilian wax also would to the trick. The leg tremors subsided within minutes of
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8vowed to quit his job working as a comment troll for the Koch Bros. and return to science, his first love. But first, he had to
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2For Dummies" because he was very helpful for the below-average mind. Just like the
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6They got lost in the crowds at Walmart. Like so many
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3I tried to hold back my critical thoughts about glow-in-the-dark nipple paint, but