They couldn't move the Lutefisk at $100 a plate. Then my smart aleck son-in-law said we should say it was a benefit plate for Frump donations. It sells for $9000. The maximum all

Having proof of concept established by the success of his latest experiment in quantum oneirology, Morpheus Somnes tweeted a "SUCK IT" to Prof. Loomis at the University of Pluto.

A swig of pickle juice got the whole shindig rolling. It was one of those nights where you knew at least one of you was going to wake up in jail. You hoped it was you, for reasons.

It took Caine until now, at 57 years of age, to realize that cold leftover rice makes a great sandwich ingredient. He paired it with his baretly sweet iced coffee & too much lime.

Maybe, he thought, if he could get his blood to boil, he would be able to smoke the bees out of his blood and into his beard! So he thought of the thing that made him angriest:

The storm, or will our offal coat the lawn? Can we slay this gruesome beast, or shall we wind up as its feast? Brandishing axes, we went to hack, but it swept us on our backs.

"Your're damn right it is!" I snickered, holding the pistol up to Dr. Phil's shiny gumball-for-a-head. "Hand me the razor Charles!" I yelled over my shoulder. He would shave it die

LOG ENTRY #12 [CLASSIFIED]: I welded the airlock shut while Diana slept in the far room. I'm going to miss my daily morning romp in zero G, but I can't risk her escaping. Or worse,

There is a blurb on the cover quoting Trump. “This is my 3rd favorite book” Now in its 666th Edition it including a complementary subscription to Malevolent Arcana Monthly. Project

We were guilty of the very thing we were warning you about in our warning to you. All approaches have been compromised and trust is no longer the bedrock that fooled ourselves that

Puki and Ahom took their seat around the fire. Their grandfather, Saunth Manitou (Great Spirit), sitting in front, spoke, “All Tallahatchie people must learn to be self-sufficient.

Projectile vomiting has been added as a Tilt-a-Whirl riding championships event. The rules are easy: eat 5 dozen raw oysters, ride the Tilt-a-Whirl 60 times, puke as far as you can

I was keen on getting to the set first, before anyone else, mostly to get a feel for the ambiance, but also because I adored what I did: Long hours, early morning weekend shoots,

The Fursttodie's had lots of question before adopting Drimaat3'b that we couldn't answer for them. "We've never had an alien baby before. We recommend you treat it as Special Needs

Brad & Jenn (not that Brad & Jenn) took the space shuttle to the Moon, and neither one was impressed. In fact, Brad called it a wasted week. Would a trip to Mars be better?

Was at home to the steady whip of life and eternity. She decided, if this was all the infinite had to offer, then it needed a ruler like her. Attila the Nun marched towards a flock

Sacajawea paused at the rim of Gitchegumee perusing the opposite shoreline and prepared for Ahuli’s signal: three drumbeats, a rest, six drumbeats, a rest, and then two drumbeats.

If you want fame, do the following: Say stupid shit with a smile on your face, run around naked all the time, have a very catchy name. Stupid and naked is easy. Name? Joe Goldberg

People lined up for miles to get their piece of the pie. It was one big mother of a pie, and more than enough for all, but, from the start, some people took more than their share.

“You didn’t cough,” He said. “I can’t rule out a hernia until you cough.” I wanted to know how he got under my sheets, but his grip on my testicles tightened, so I coughed until