what happdned, how all these people ended up dead. I'd need to muster all my sleuthing skills. It was hot, so I welcomed the Kool-Aid offered me by a kooky looking robed stranger

I’ve been a wanderer my entire life, a traveler, and a nomad. I’m attempting—for the fifth time—to set up house, but, for some reason, settling isn't something I do very well.

An insatiable nun, Sister” Two Bazookas ‘n a Booty” Eileen, gained her 15 minutes of fame via an unadulterated music video—she does a mean breakdance—filled with mucus and goop.

But none of that matters in the end. It's not a name that defines a person's fate; it's the reputation linked to it. I've always wanted to be a clown& the name I choose to fit the

The gist is that the guy stood out like a metal pole in a thunderstorm. "That shirt giving off strong UV rays?" Iquipped. His shades peered at me, deadpan.oAbashed, I thumbed a tag

I am not implying that the house murdered me. My house is my home, with Pops. He gave me life before my death. The house wouldn't be Home without him. What killed me was the renov

called me. Actually, I'll spare you the expletives. I bridle my tongue. Pray for her? Jesus, what would I pray-that her brakes cut out when she's roiling down a hill? Jesus, please

lap all the wrappers clean. And any good owner knows how chocolate unhinges a dog. To simplify the mass candy consumption, I decided to spawn a cloying culinary fiasco. Using my

knee to knee and toe to toe. He'd flip a king, I'd slap a queen. It was a dance and ritual. By sundown a month's time later, a tremendous explosion rocked the place. Stones rained

In the beginning, DOG declared, “Let there be Kibble!” Lucky, the Vizsla, dropped his tail and head. “Is there a problem, Pup?” Mastiff Headmaster, Bowser, sternly demanded.

me. I eagerly stuck a pin in its stomach, imagining Bianca in the throes of appendicitis. A while later a gossipy BFF told me Bianca gave birth to a healthy boy! Argh! The next pin

I entered meltdown when a swarthy fellow sitting cross-legged actually began to play his pungi. I snatched his turban to cover myself but..it rose & swayed from side to sidfe. WTF!

&nearly knocked her out, too. Perturbed, the grandam clutched her handbag, straightening her cloche. She inspected my sodden presentation&gibed, "What're you - drunk?" I wish, I th

periods, sporadic though they had been, and decided that I would become a hermaphrodite. Under the stage name Mister Jenny, I toured the states, singing at fake Woodstock concerts

caused the craft to pull to the left and crash-land on Neptune, where the beaches were even suckier. Jo skulked and wouldn't leave the module, so Manatee had to lure her out with

The mountain gulls laid waste to the continent in a matter of weeks. They overthrew and consumed many politicians, usurped and burped many prominent businessmen and people of int-

species on every planet known to have camping tourists, to find out which would be ideal. The cinnamon bear couple was happy on Ylaz, but the polars could not stand the heat. The

...Albert sighed. His translation of Finnegans Wake into Canadian wasn't going so well. It'd been 27 days and he only had two pages. He decided to translate Everyone Poops instead.

From a distance, the tree Billy parked the GTO under looked like a massive pink-fleshed root with fluorescent-green stalks sticking out of the ground; but when he got closer, he

Tacoma, Washington. He was always a huge fan of glass sculptor Dale Chihuly, but the museum turned out to be just "okay". We asked Dale himself to oversee our marriage dissolution.