a robot seeing the world, for the first time, through your eyes, mostly. They could only save so much. But the rest of your new body is cloned only from you. There is no difference

Someone was banging on the door again. I sent Jeeves to see to it. I went back to reading the infernal contract my latest kill had in their pocket. I could smell it when I feasted.

Jack, when he isn't coming back from a dental appointment, is one of that type. The type that laments that today's youth are glued to their smartphones while at the same time going

Do not climb so far into the tree monkey or you'll climb into the Dutchman's clutches. He loves chilled monkey brains at his lunches. A bunch lurched menacingly as the Dutchman dan

In the shape of an eclipse I saw her face before ere the time knew me. Marbled speech is not what should concern you derper. You're a derper & derpers aren't paid to know this shit

"What was that," the pizza boy said, pointing at his ear buds. Alexa ran the probabliities he hadn't heard anything. Erring on the side of caution is a good policy, Alexa computed.

Jack was walking down the street on his way back to the office after a dental appointment. He had passed the Amityville Station stairwell when he was accosted by a Mountbatten gnu.

-muffs between their teeth to keep from biting their tongues. It seemed that the champion minesweeper guy had cleared the way for a new champion and gone to heaven. At the Pearly

shot a giant balloon full of milk at the Green Man Group. This caused the Indigo Man Group to explode into a pile of cardboard body parts (all indigo). The Orange Man Group then

-hew this sort of thing, claiming that it was 'the devil's wine spritzer', but dealornodeal would not let ashybear leave the party without one little taste. She glowered at him and

to the "dormant" volcano, Mt. Fuldja, her carrying a basket full of Sam's adorable, ruddy-furred puppies. They

"Get back here!" yelled Ricky, running after his toddler son Martin. Martin had just discovered that the sides of his diaper had tapes he could take off-and nudism was fun.

my neighbors dragged my lifeless body to the nearest Five and Dine and propped it up in my favorite booth. They flagged down my favorite waiter and ordered my favorite dish:

I didn’t want to accept facts: my wife was a macro-cheater. Not a micro-cheater. A macro-cheater. She posted sexual innuendo, nude photos, and contact info on jetliners and buses.

was, in fact, the only thing I'd ever created, Franko the googly-eyed biscuit was indeed my tour-de-force and I had to make the most of him before he went moldy. I silk-screened

skipping through a breezy park, holding hands with his crush, Bethchizedek. "Whatcha dooin'?" Inquired a 6-year-old Jesus playfully, interrupting God's daydream. "Ummm,

I have a personal Mandela Effect story. I have this memory of my aunt in 1969 telling my uncle to stay away from "that Olga girl". She says she was in Minnesota that summer. I hear

worms, but when at a board meeting some hours later, I was hard pressed to stifle the barrage of wind brought on by my recent binge. A loud ripping sound punctuated my presentation

George longed to have more of his dad's love. Well, his dad definitely loved George but his favorite child Jordan, the overachiever. Little fucker managed to bring down the

Why did mom have to choose a demon king to be my godfather? His gifts are making me an outcast in school but I also can't tell him to shove off. What should I do?