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began sharpening the butcher knife that Santa kept in his desk. Comet knew that Santa always kept it near, in the unlikely event that the reindeer would revolt. Rudolph's time was
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could be defeated in a simple game of chess? Not really. Death loved to play Chess, and he always won. The fifth-graders would be trivial, as demonstrated by Theo, the dead kid who
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your firstborn in today, you'll get another bonus CD, from pop sensation Therena Malp! Don't miss this once in a lifetime deal. Turn off the TV, walk 40 paces left, then chant this
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When no one was looking, she swiftly gathered up the dead man’s clothes and carried them to an abandoned JC Penny’s—where her collection of charred mannequins awaited.
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his trusty sidekick, Crusader Koala, as they wandered a hall of mirrors. The Grilled Cheese Maker laughed as Kangaroo and Koala stopped to "reflect" upon their journey. It was time
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blasted through the windshields of the next four cars before going hypersonic and flying off into space. The tiny shoe broke all speed records and eventually achieved Warp Ten.
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what you got when you dropped out of Disco Clown School. "If you can't pass the class, oh, you don't get the afro." That's what my pappy always told me. The rainbow afro was the
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-f every January, March, May, July, October and December for each of the last 20 years. And yet, I still couldn't find my son. The AI was smart, but completely unable to help. So I
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tongue. They were breathing heavily into eachothers ears. "I want you," she whispered, but suddenly, he froze. He just stopped and put a few steps back. "What are you doing?"
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discovered that the phallic steak was not actually steak, but an actual phallus. Bull phallus, specifically. Although I didn't necessarily balk at the idea- it was still better tha
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, 1997; it could even generate photorealistic images of her bloated corpse sinking into Lake Superior at 3:26 am, down to the water-tugged ridges that lined the skin of her palms.
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that! Rookie mistake. The adversaries locked eyes, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. The cheat was first to break eye contact, gazing at his board, feigning focus.
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the liar she thought he was- but no feeble words could convince her. He began to grip tightly to the doorframe, as if in danger of being forced out by a supernatural force.
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spleen and a miggy cockle, Hrengor smooshed the dig spider's faze wid a Hummer, thin blooger his comparnyam bonwle tbwob24323,. "CUT!" The director was furious. "Fix that damn
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What the-- Who, what? I can't... no. What the heck... Why? It's... argh! WHAT THE... I can't even! It's just... what the! Why the ... Geez, wtf man! I mean, who the...
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Actually, maybe don't. Our solutions are half-baked. You'll only get halfway there with us, so call us half the time if you like doing things by half measures, if you've got half a
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For you see, in my country of origin, it is forbidden to meditate on the rug of another without first offering a burnt sacrifice to the Elder Gods. I do not see any such offering.
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the horse and took control of its internal reins. In a flash, we zoomed off into space, my infinite horse bending time itself to its whims. Across galaxies we flew, crossing the
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went right down to the TV station and asked to see Matt Dillon. The station looked at him like he'd just landed in a spaceship from Mars. "Matt Dillon died fifteen years ago." "Oh,
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But alas, when they fired it, it tunneled deeper underground, taking the hapless citizens with it. "Heh, oops. Had the silly thing in reverse", said Duck Dodgers of the 24th-and-a-