It’s all down to the butterfly effect you see.The Spanish submariner cursed at me for eating those simply delicious fries, but was cut short as his sub exploded in a ball of flames

am a connoisseur of causing people to start vomiting blood. I looked at the guy beside me and formally challenged him to a “Blood off”. It was a race to get as many people to vomit

The doctor asked the next felon his name and crime. “Me names Govy, Sir... an’ me crime be the simple joy ov enjoyin’ pineapple on pizza!” Govy’s voice cracked at the end.

each of them took steps in regular intervals of 1 meter. They distributed their weight evenly, making sure not a gram was misplaced in either step. After a while the 10 men stopped

as far as claiming the sun was a scam created by our vulture overlords and sunscreen manufacturers. The "Humanity Against the Sun" club had three members: Tom Barnes, of course,

in my mother's prescription. At 104°C/219°F we're above the boiling point, skin starts falling apart, sweat pours out, nothing but pain. Perfect sauna conditions! I stripped

The phone rang a third time. There was a pause and then a voice asked, "Is this Patrick?" "Yes. This is Patrick," answered Patrick. The voice on the phone muttered something & hung

That’s why I had to find the toilet fast. I hobbled my way across the corridors, frantically searching for the sacred men’s room. My knees touched and my legs were crossed together

I remember dodging a pirate's sword and dropping the microphone into the fishtank but I don't remember anything about these sutures on my chest or the large naked woman in my bed.

I remembered that in the first Charlie Brown Goes to Hell dream we were in dugout catamarans fleeing down the Gambeezi River from a shitload of Weebles trying to make us fall down.

It's a pipe dream because it's the dream you have after I wop your head with a pipe. What else did you think it meant? Come to think of it, maybe I haven't hit you hard enough yet.

that it is wet. Nobody know how the water got wet but it is. You will never see water that is not wet. You can't say that about your girlfriend and she's a Baywatch Life Guard.

I had planned on making a simple grilled cheese on pumpernickel but then Bulimia said she wanted a peppercorn mayonnaise and arugula on hers. Now I wanted sprouts, feta, & avocado.

little Lord. Then the Lord resurrected him & he did the same thing all over again. This just sent the Lord into even more laughter. Soon the other Lord Gods got interested in Man.

"Your parents don't count," I told him. Miles deflated and said, "OK, maybe somebody wants to kill me randomly. Maybe I was a target of opportunity. I can be very unappealing."

Hello Kitty book bag & tazed him twice. He wasn't phased & laughed it off. His mouth moved a lot like he was talking but after all that I only heard, "Now you've earned a killing."

as Tom Barnes, Junior Account Representative at a new startup called Biscuits by the Bunch. Having defeated the Sun didn't really pay his rent, so much, as make it more expensive.

As he beat back the demon he realized that this demon really was a Jehovah's witness. The demon had started off as an angel in a choir of angels around Jehovah witnessing Glory.

put that one down as another 2 souls lost to the Godkiller, mistletoe. Nurse Babs left behind two rookie nurses who fainted when taking pinprick samples. Notch up 3 more for their

Their hollow eyes reminded me that I might have to explain myself to them. I put the gun away. "Hello, I'm a nurse. Nurse What actually. That was a dangerous mistletoe that I shot.