“What?! You couldn’t hold the humpback?! “I’m telling you Captain, that whale is the Devil! We barely escaped with our lives.” The Captain knew Starbuck was right but damn! They al

I like my pickles crisp and she refused ever see that. I held my arms open to her. Would she buy it this time? “What color is my hat,” she asked me suddenly.

I just realized for the first time that Martin Guerre's wife must have known that wasn't Martin Guerre because his feet were smaller and if the feet are smaller the cock is too.

ted to the internet. Especially memes. This is extremely serious. I'm going to reccomed a 24 hour detox from all electronic devices"

"Have you put it through it's paces yet?" Maybe it wasn't a no-go after all. "Not yet. Are you volunteering," I asked him pregnantly. He smiled. He jostled the rack's handcuffs. I

said, "but I wish you could hear me, because then you could hear that Blue is a shape. That was a nice turnaround, by the way. You might not hear the melody of your voice, but

Then I realized that they were from a dimension where Omar Peck never invented the steigle device. My pity for them was immense. They might as well be single celled organisms.

It was his mistake to give me my layoff slip only an hour into my shift on Christmas Eve. I walked out and left him alone to fend off the last minutes shoppers. Their desperation

That turned out to be wrong when Manatee turned the note around to find out it had been written on the back of an instant picture of Boingeaux the Clown being murdered by Crazo the

booger from his right nostril and flicked it on the alien’s shoes. “Why bowling?” the Alien asked, kicking the booger back onto Rev. Chuck. “Ralph Kramden, Ed Norton, The Dude

so they could film their documentary, but they failed, and the house was demolished. Five billion dollars of occult equipment went with it.

team! Well, you will when we come and rescue you! Hang on tight and we'll get you out of that precarious spacecraft in a jiffy! Marietta, out!"

"Well, I was a baby when I was born. It's not like I can remember all of the details..." I chuckled weakly, but the immigration officer's glare only intensified.

And so did everything else. That's what happens in a biblical flood. Nothing survives. Almost nothing, that is.

So ha! That's why you can't prove it was me who committed the robbery!" Kevin nodded triumphantly, dripping in sweat and with a wild, desperate gleam in his eyes.

If you've never been inside a dragon, let me tell you, it's a trippy experience for sure.

house on fire, and all her clothes, and everything she owned. Now /that/ was romance.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy, that's me.

a bump on the grass. The young vegan toppled over, falling with her mouth right into a plate of delicious hot dogs.

being tortured in a dungeon. Georgina had always been my least favourite relative, with her stupid biting and her stupid ginger hair.