and I took the one less traveled, without actually knowing which one that was, and that has made all the vas differens. I don't know what that means. I read it in Reader's Digest.

Usually that's a bit much for a first date, but beggars can't be choosers. Columbia loved her Meatloaf, but Meatloaf had eyes for another: Heathcliff. Columbia damned the hills for

Lucifer never was big on education, leading by example, since it netted him the most damned souls. That and celebrities. But something was missing in Lucifer's life: Retirement.

had it wrested from her grasp and Heimlich'd from her throat by the amateur marching band. Well, marching band. Her face puffed up and an ambuwulance was called.

turns it into the police, but flying douchebag Dean Cain forces the gun back into Jim's hands. "Dean, why did you want to take the role as Superman?" Jim asks. "I'm an asshole!"

"I mean, it was consensual Faunication between two adults," said Mr. Numnuts. Aslan hummed in thought. "Good point. Carry on!" He slipped his minotaur boyf the sandpaper tongue.

Although, one cautions that while comedic value rises here, comprehension generally lowers. Oftentimes the two phenomenon are inextricably linked. Still, cracking great fun! By all

"For example," offered one of the students, "it's quote difficult maintaining erudite word usage and grammatical correctness in only 180 characters. Would you care for an Oreo?"

"A-h'yuk." The voice sounded from the hedge across the street, in the darkness, and then I saw the pale, ghastly visage of him peering out from the bushes. "A'hyuk! Hoydle!"

nt in the room was Horton, who kept insisting he was hearing things until we shoved his ass into group therapy but the other patients' stories were so fucked up that he became more

[excised slur] [excised slur] what the meaning of a double-entendre is!" But the director didn't know what the meaning of a double-entendre was. So instead he defined it as "a hat

plot was to turn into a giant newt and have giant newt babies with my captain, which made the whole escapade worth it in the end. We put those giant newts through college, we did.

but since she was only getting older anyway, it wasn't such a great birthday to begin with. Plus the stripper in the now-melted cake was only Wayne Knight dressed as a Pikachu.

doorless antechamber of the Archduke Ferdinand's pickle collection for pickle emergencies like the time the Archduke Ferdinand's heart was penetrated by a high-speed pickle from

need me to eat lasagna with them every single night. Not when I got my thinly-veiled propaganda to watch, like an even stupider version of Dean Cain, or a smarter chewed shoe.

no chance of admission to the disco clown restaurants in the uptown part of the city. Another thing not as popular as it was in the 2010s was stalking the disabled and mocking them

swimming in a public pool and getting pregnant. And then running in the pool area, slipping and injuring themselves. So figuratively and literally as well. The next step of our

But the realmente estupidos was Dummy the Imp, the inexplicably long-lived demonic minion. His father was a pet rock, and his mother was a bucket of paint thinner. But he was happy

the evergreens, rubbing and caressing their woody, uncomfortable bark, trying to coax the resin out so she could fuck with Lynn's car while the latter was abducted by Martians.

because their neighbors didn't realize that humans have been farting since they evolved. Plenty of time for the joke to get old, don't you think? Now, pee pee jokes, those never