fix my fucking desktop, but the recovery drive didn't work. I could tell the computer to boot to it, but then it'd just stay blank. "Maybe I can just cut myself," I thought aloud.

he took ppics of himself and posted them to whatever the current popular dating app is. That'd show those miserable fuckwits who didn't have a pic of themselves at the Grand Canyon

spider bits in the funky spider dance at the Grand Spider Gala Ball Party. Millicent the millipede vouchsafed the Ginsu knives, ensuring the Spider Queen had plenty of sushi.

lubricated the doohickey. He plugged the thingamajigger up the how's-your-father and squeezed so the whatchamacallits flexed outward. He needed this after the week he'd had.

tomfakery, but this woman whose name she had just forgotten reacted to the fake King Edward by scrolling up images of Pokémon on her cell phone. Specifically their

"But why does a god need a starship?" asked Captain Kirk (not the Shatner version thank goodness) who Q had summoned and forgotten about in his infinite omniimpotence. Q fumed.

Dr. Harris continued to think about what makes a parent as she checked the rows of in vitro tubes growing the next batch of colonists. Did this make her a parent? Suddenly alarms

The hideous salivating monster loomed before John, it's evil intent obvious. A strange thought occurred to John. Maybe the monsters just wanted a hug too! So, he opened his arms

I mean, Aquaboy was a rubbish name. He was just a lad who loved to swim in the ocean, enjoying the aquatic wildlife, not some superhero sidekick. Or so he thought! That all changed

Now, I'd never cooked before, but I'd watch Ratatouille 3 times. So, I was sure my goal of becoming a 5 star chef in France would be easy. I packed everything I'd need; clothes, ha

he immediately recognised from his past. Not one of his voyeuristic conquests. No, this was the girl from summer camp who had started his obsession. That fateful camp where he'd

"Thanks" the taxi driver said "I mean it's yellow, like every other cab in New York" he continued, clearly unsettled by my flirtations. Time to take a more direct approach. I

Bowser smashed through the doors and skidded to a stop in the middle of the dance floor. Luigi spun to face him, the sequins of his salsa outfit glinting. Mario, sashay forward and

Mrs. Beadangus continued to glare. " I don't care how old he is, you need to get the boy help!" Mrs Beadangus was clearly in another one of her moods. Just the other day she had

John-Boy passed over the thermal lance, while Mary Ellen held the torch steady. It had been a long time since the Walton family had pulled a bank heist this audacious. It felt good

the musical, was not the smash hit Broadway producer Jenny Jonas had hoped for. Numerous people had said a musical comedy based on The Killing Fields wouldn't work, but Jenny

"I'm not sure how a Latvian Origami teacher is going to help with the issues I have with my mom!" replied John. "Don't be daft! LO doesn't stand for Latvian Origami, it stands for

Is society past its prime? Will we be swept up in a wave of crime? Or could the stars all still align, and everything just turn out fine?

had to sit down suddenly. How could he have been a pufferfish AGHFLEGHAGOO wondered. The idea is preposterous. But as AGHFLEGHAGOO it all began to make sense. That time when he'd

sprang to the side of the room, whipping open the drapes to reveal a masked figure. "You see Watson! My choice of word is perfect" exalted Detective Manatee. "Now hand me the