"Now see here!" shouted substitute teacher Aaron Krankheit. "Fiction is no laughing matter! The world is full of connivers who will try to use fiction against you. Don't let them!"

must admit, however, that I find trying to integrate thing #3 into my burgeoning cosmoconception to be somewhat of a challenge, but one that I hope I can

thoughts about thoughts that they might have had tormented Pekka, but that was (let's be honest) typical for her. "Hah! Let them be up to something! I am also up to something."

have any expectation that the cabbage might improve its own lot through literacy, some grasp of the quadrivium, and a certain level of social charm and savvy. Sure, in our society,

full-spectrum salaciousness and libertinism, which flew in the face of the four-color Heritage their ancestors had carefully crafted. "How dare you! Think of the kids!" The judge

I collect bouncy balls, and a broken one just won't do, so I asked Ma for a quarter. She said, "No," so I decided to run away and seek my fortune elsewhere. I would earn enough

favorite snack and room layout. You can even customize the enthusiasm and volume of your fellow AI football watchers, whether you prefer silent companionship or drunken, raucous

have angered the polar bears with our negligence of the environment, and as their territory has melted, they have evolved to be stronger, swim farther, and to desire vengeance."

Fold it like the colossal seafaring vessel of the Norse gods, crafted by dwarves to condense to the size and portability of a handkerchief when traveling overland.

too short a time in this world to be concerned with methods of transport to our certain death – we should focus our attention on cleanliness, warm water and golden bathtubs. Unless

Tim spent the next week trying really, really hard to resist the urge to give Gary a high-five. But finally he snapped, and he delivered the best high-five in all of history! Even

realized just how completely WEIRD my dreams had become. I went to see my psychotherapist, who immediately prescribed a regimen of Prozac and goat milk, possibly the two strangest

-nched himself in petroleum and set himself ablaze, in a clumsy and ill-begotten attempt to carry out the general's orders. "Strange, I don't recall decreeing self-immolation," he

numbers starting with two ones and increasing by their sums. The twist, which was twisted in and of itself, was that Professor Fibonacci was grading on a scale of his own making.

having a grilled cheese sandwich at midnight... with VELVEETA! Oh for shame! FoldingStory will forever be known as the Repository of Eternal Embarrassment. Woe is us, o folders of

In fact, now thr would b no words at all that had th lttr "" in thm. It was as though th shaman had control ovr th univrs itslf! "What powr is this that you wild? To rmov a lttr fr

For two, she left him. Three, she became a trucker and drove across the country to pick up a load of heavy machinery, which she would then ship all the way to Alaska. Four,

after which there was a mass uprising of bean counters and chili enthusiasts who rebelled against the government's war on legumes. "WE WILL NOT BE HAS-BEANS!" Not exactly the best

ho ho! Merry Christmas!" At least, that's what Santa USED to say, until that one fateful Christmas eve when not even Rudolph's bright, glowing nose could break through the fog. It

was the lesser-known younger cousin of Mister Mxyzptlk. Hicduk Gghlx always wanted to take on Superman in a battle of wits, but he just couldn't compete with Mxyzptlk's brand of