Unfortunately, they weren't actually mice, and as such didn't speak mouse-ish. They accidentally offended some actual mice, who were now plotting their revenge.

? Donate what you'd like if you were in my socks like a can a roast beef & a decent pair of shoes. If you don't wear Uggs anymore what makes you think I'd be caught dead in them?

e negative connotations associated with fedoras. Neckbeards ruined a perfectly good hat! Even this lovely man I was fitting was wearing a "My Little Pony" shirt and smelled like

And for you dumkopfs in the peanut gallery, yes! I said mole - with an accent on the "e" so I am not in fact talking about tacos topped with little blind vermin who burrow undergro

one of them, for some reason. She had a phobia of trampolines since childhood. Her psychiatrist told her to stay off them and let him know when she felt like she was on one.

He worked out some two hours a day. His body resembled a gorilla as he made his protein drink. Polly could not keep enough Gatorade on hand, and she would not touch that stuff.

For all she knew, it could have been. After all, nowadays retailers start putting out holiday items in July! It got her mind off the humid, damp weather. It was going to rain soon.

Dress like the purple prince, and do a purple rain dance when needed. Remember the native American rituals when creating your own rain dance. 2) hire minions and practise dancing

I was preparing to count it an eighth time but they didn't shout it out. I was caught off balance and fell face first into the mob's coats where they were piled up on the bed. Furs

Rollers was what he called it. Said he picked up the recipe out in Appalachian country. Communication still tender but they made it work and President Drumpf do what's right.

once I've recovered from the salmonella & my other toes grow back to tick off other bucket list items, like attending an electric chair execution, perform a duet with Katy Perry,

Please dance with me to the last waltz?" He said, "Of course!" It was the last waltz, because the place blew up but we survivec to Global Economic Crisis

After all, my anxiety had not considered the much simpler and worst possibility: Pamela might not want me for my personality or money, or even dog, but for my body... for meat!

the highlight of my holiday and though classical music wasn't quite my preference, I figured

Weird Al Yankovic sang "Foil" and everyone laughed. Some of it sounded like he shopped at whole foods, where recycling was a religion. The herbal tea was organic. Weird Al was

but I skinned the tabby I had just shot. That way a tangible good will come from my overreaction. In hindsight maybe just kicking it would have been better than shooting it. Now I

I spent time matching constellations to the paintings I had found. I was surrounded by grassland, bare feet dipping into soil. The waves of stars filled the moonlit sky. I watched

Start out this way. All sorts of strange events happened and I became an artist and actor. I was shell shocked and thought I was Martian at times. I still do, but less frequently.

"A dog-man! Are you insane?" She tugged at his skin. "This phase has gone far enough Dominic. I want you out of the house." "But Mum-" "That's enough whining; you look ridiculous."

swamp life. The swampfolk suddenly find themselves under attack. President Shrek said so. The was drastic hyperbole or demagoguery, most likely. Can't we go back to a golden time?