agents are pushovers. They caved to $cientology, Mulder never took a real case, and they couldn't figure out Dale Cooper's deal. The FBI really needs to get its kit together, man!

though the Verdant Fern Dioramas to her secret stash of hamsters. I watched as the Moss Queen lit one like a bong, all the way until she drank the bong water. "Who's there!?" the

puffing because of my cadaverous coffee breath. It's cool Hammy stays on one side of my mouth 'cause it makes me look like a hamster. Mom also doesn't know I eat the hamster wafers

Little Rodney glanced over to the cafeteria. Charlie was all over it. He signaled Little Ping to get the Molotov sippy cups ready. No Viet Cong was going to get HIS blood money!

but if he did he knew he was going to go kill his punk ass grandfather and if he did that then he could not exist to go back and kill his punk ass dad right before he scored with

dagger skills with the help of logobot processors. Our leader lived in a Gingerbread manor house far from the fray, but had pictures of matchstick men on the library's walls. We

the Quatelbaum children set spring traps around their hut and were able to catch Genocide Mouse as he was sneaking in to starve the family by eating all their rice gruel. His back

-down two-timimng monster that she was. But Megumi's lust for Godzilla went unrequited, for Godzilla had been rendered sterile by the same radiation that had made him gigantic.

whole stalks of corn growing between his ears, and advised he used proper sandpaper, not Susie's sandpaper cat tongue. Gag. But a 25-ft restraining order is like an alien pony with

hippets found on HowTo.net. Or whatever that site is. And not just Afghan rugs. All manner of Asian hair pieces. It's like a mini vacuum and comb rolled into one! You can even use

my truck wouldn't start and my mayonnaise had gone off and nobody wanted to walk in my shoes. I wanted desparately to find a way out of this country-western song, but

We could see no problem in that statement. We moved along. This gets awkward when we try to talk while walking the walk of the talk, as it happens! Sorry, I got excited there.

it occur that to her that she was reason all her workplaces were getting burned down. It was clearly poltergeist activity. At 26 she was well outside the normal range for it but fu

tides and the Sugarbelles that Love Them, when an advertisement came on about four times telling him to watch Navel Crime Investigation...Show. So he changed the channel to see

scattered, refraining from breaking her fall. The old bitch was dead, but at least her cute kitties would not starve. Those cats would grow into super cats, adopting her mannerisms

stifle him with her traditional dolphin ways, and he bit a chunk out of her dorsal fin. That tore it. She knew she had to leave Dan that very night. While he slept, she swan out

, a much cleaner alleyway than he had seen in the old town, an alleyway in which even Mary Tyler Moore would be proud to toss her tam-o-shanter. Here, even the rats washed their

from the potato, launching itself into the ether like a wish on a star. This was the safest way of voting twice in Flint, Michigan, and dammit, I just wanted to get away for once.

-bt, as so often is the case with Communism and ponies. So Minty, the little green pony toppled that statue of Lenin, which by this time had turned green, as well. The ponies were

But Susan Spoiler McNaysayer told Susan Walker-Runner that the sperm bank was not for rounding up future meals for cannibals. Infuriated, Susan Walker-Runner torched the clinic,