However, having been grievously injured the last time he tried to climb a beanstalk, Jack sued the bean-seller, demanding he make the stalks wheelchair-accessible. "How am I going

Fields of Phuque I never grew as a child. The surface of the crater was smooth glass and both abrasive and slippery; sharkskin like. At certain angles it was possible to see what

"I told you not to name the swine. Now you're seeing their corpses instead of a cornucopia of fresh pork," Ma yelled from the rumble seat turning her gravity bong up. "The skates

thoughts about thoughts that they might have had tormented Pekka, but that was (let's be honest) typical for her. "Hah! Let them be up to something! I am also up to something."

right in the forehead of the senator's wife. Good thing she was wearing the kevlar helmet she always wore for fundraising. Kids can be so violent those days because of those damn

soon his poor legs felt like they'd been fried, or sauteed with onions and garlic and a little extra-virgin olive oil. The harder the frog rode, the more delicious his legs became.

The old man leaned back in his chair. "Of course," he preened. "Without a nugget or two, how am I do remember anything at all?" He

He had to hurry. He biked across the intersection even though the light was red. He stopped at the ATM and fumbled for his body card. Then he exploded, cash expelling everywhere,

Bobo’s a fully autonomous, transdimensional, oiled-up, shaven, old geezer. Now, that I was thinking about it, it was odd that he didnt really fit in the guinea pig enclosure.

of their Olympic free skating performance, they shed their extraneous appendages and let them skitter across the ice as the crowd went wild. But the judges disapproved of their

So lemme get this straight: You're handing me some bait and telling me to wait for your mate to state his weight in the... I got nothin'.

"Who's flying cow is to blame for my ruined surrey canopy," I asked the wind. I got out my rangefinder and made note of bearing & wind direction. In case it came up. The flying cow

Buy her trajectory was adversely affected such that she was now on a path through the planet. Not at all possible with their hyperspace modulator was offline for badly needed repai

never make assumptions on anything. As the saying goes: It makes an ass out of you and me. What an asinine comment. I cannot believe that jackass! And thus, the thread of

During a night of drunkenness and disorder, the Blue Fairy ingested the Violet Fairy, whole and alive. Above her high-pitched shriek, the now Ultraviolet Fairy was heard saying, “

psychedelic explosions meant to illustrate the creation of the universe. Nic could see through his night goggles that the planetarium audience was completely distracted, so he

stared at her butt in the mirror, missing Janet, who had managed to hold onto a rock & not fall in, yank Jack’s leg until HE fell into the volcano. As Queen Latifah twerked, Janet

Heart broken as he receipt from Lowe's for her home renovation had been washed in the dryer from Home Depot. So she invited the court, all twelve men to come through her front door

of intelligent agriculture will pull at their heartstrings. Imagine having a conversation with your corn before eating it! How romantic. I'm willing to invest two billion into

he was blind and I was stuck in the ample folds of space and time. But Dave always acted like that when he knew he was wrong. I waited as he stumbled into the wall. You done?