I found out why my bunk was still available the first time I had the midwatch and I was trying to get some sleep the next day and the table beside me became the Divisional Office.

Did I mention that I was mostly asleep when the divisional meeting was happening below my bunk. So I'm not really at fault for having morning wood on full view while the Boatswain

Mia Farrow is the real Forrest Gump of recent American history. Sinatra, Mia. The Beatles go India, Mia. Rosemary’s Baby/Polanski/Tate/Manson Family murders, Mia. #MeToo, Mia’s son

I've come to the conclusion that at some point I slipped into a dimension where West Dakota did not become an independent nation/state briefly during the Ford Administration. Gilda

The State Constitution for West Dakota was written with her in mind. The official title of the West Dakota Head of State was Queen. She refused to be called Queen. Her predecessors

Being OVERDRAWN at a sperm bank is a good thing. It means you're a popular milkshake. Live it up. Until the first abnormality, scandal, or felony conviction of your progeny. Batch#

"Listen up all you batches! We're about to start loading payloads. I hope none of you ladies end up giving the poor orphans and up the kilt look or view. Keep your rocks intact!"

"Don't forget to boil the fang before you use it. If you've got a Glory Hand, you'd best bring it along. Your call on that one. Other than that, just your best meatloaf recipe."

Having found the post-modern landscape lacks the landmarks of the past such as certitude, audacity, or self protective ignorance, the soul must come to grips with its incestuous id

“Pull one midget out of a hat and my fledgling magic career is over,” the rabbit beside me at the bar said into his gin & tonic with a baby carrot garnish. A crumpled OSHA letter

The flaming flying friars cried out about the sky falling on their crowns. A Krugerrand collapsed the hog belly markets by Dutch ovening his wife in her marital bed as a lark tree.

And don't get me started on that kid sister of hers. I'm tired of her intimidating me with her intellect and directness. I'm almost tempted to marry her instead of my dear Rapueta.

She was one of many the girls who killed themselves a week after meeting me. Some made a game of it. One Susan kept calling me to tell it was on. Then I’d share a saucy recipe for

I am really digging the soundtrack to the 2nd season of The Umbrella Academy. God damn it. I mean, 'Polk Salad Annie', The Dead South, PMJ's cover of Ceelo Green's 'Crazy'. Variety

The thing to remember about royal blood is that it gets around. Quite a lot, actually. One of the benefits, duties, and perils of the job. Oats need to get sowed before wisdom can

I just noticed that it was St. Sulpice's Day the day that I submitted my manuscript to Le Cheef. Almost 8 months. It's like the ground opened & demons dragged him & my manuscript

The Grammar Fascists won't like this story. Not that I intend to construct it poorly, by any means. But any means means any means, if you know what I mean. I don't have the means.

"Mom wants to know how our fathers are doing?" Antigone read Orestes's text. For a half-brother, Orestes was great, Antigone thought to herself. She looked for their fathers in the

"Science fiction double feature. Doctor X, will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad & Janet … " The cars behind me all started honking their horns at me. The lights had cy

There is a light on over at the Frankenstein Bears house. They must have caught another one of those blonde bimbos who have an unnatural attraction for tiny bears. I'd better give