Her husband came and found her in the kitchen. "I'm so sorry," he said holding her tight. "So sorry I brought you to a house with no internet access."

Pooh left the therapist's office elated. He felt empowered. He'd finally gotten in touch with his inner self, something that he repressed. Piglet said, "Hi Pooh" and Pooh ate him.

Elvis rotated his pelvis. That was the sign the aliens had been waiting for.

Henry, Emma, Liam, Larry, Olivia, Simon, Lola, Isabel, Mary, Will, Hillary, Isaac, Terry. My office, now.

Once upon a time, a beautiful girl decided to live in a castle.

Zombies are functioning members of our society, just like you and me. Now I don't want to hear any complaints about prejudice, because after all, we are all equal. Except they get

I counted the items in the small plastic bag again. "Nope. I have two bolts when I only need one bolt and I'm missing a small screw", I scanned the hieroglyphs in the instructions

Whatever you do, don't crack up. Just try to hold it together until we both calm down enough to

Being pansexual doesn't mean having sex with pots & pans. I learnt this the hard way and my ban from the Kitchen Dept in Harrods is beyond harsh. The government of Qatar will recei

In retrospect, telling a child to look after something so private probably was a mistake. It would be like asking a fox to look after a chicken coop. Almost immediately I decided

I wasn't sure how to handle this. Being stuck on a class A Kitty Hawk that ran out of plasma had to be serious. The thing was completely dead, except from a voice repeating 'Warnin

"Who, me? I'm the guy that runs this joint. I tell ya. Tenants always complaining. During the Ice Age, they asked me to turn up the heat. Now its 'global warming.' What gives?"

Test

I dated a girl once by the name of Debbie Teeth who went by the nickname Spooky Tooth. Seems that I broke her heart, so she busted my jaw, and I had to eat my food through a straw.

A man will only marry out of love or necessity. Anything love demands is a necessity. These were my thoughts as I drove through the morning fog into Vicksburg. Love or necessity.

"We mustn't tell anyone, this would cause a world wide panic!" Those were the last words I heard before I accidentally hit "Send to everyone."

Okay I got it. Street Sweeper Wars, Street Sweeper's Wives, Are You Smarter than a Street Sweeper? Celebrity Street Sweeper, So You Think You Can Street Sweep? Street Sweeper COPS!

I was only here for corn chips, but here I was, frozen in the aisle, because a (devastatingly handsome) staff member had walked into the same aisle, freestyle rapping about

Research has found that the percentage of FoldingStory users with 3 figure IQs is equal to the percentage of bananas that are straight. From this we can conclude that

Call me Fishmael.