Tony and Jill tried to prank Miss Williams by replacing her chalk with the Devil's Chalk they had found in their grandmother's attic. However, Miss Williams had anticipated such a

I reached for his hand anyway, because if I was going to be stabbed by his glare, I might as well hold it while dying.

"A Summer Place" was the soundtrack for me and my buddies' road trip as we bumped along over the still smoldering and twitching corpses of the Constitutionalists. We guzzled our

OK, so I had forgotten my cultural-appreciation lessons and ingested the extended hand of the human ambassador from Earth without thinking. I did extend my second-best appendage,

you to drown a puppy every 12-18 months and for this to work you can not ingest any nutmeg whatsoever. If you can do that, your spamming troubles are over for good. Questions?

The corpulent king had no regard for Andrew's preposterous allergies. Andrew needed to gorge down the SPAM, and he needed to be fattened so he could become the king's doppelganger.

Take the holodeck for example. Nobody ever bumped into its walls. Klingon wore scrotal sacks on their foreheads. Phasers. 7 of 9's... shoulders. Warp

my feather duster lacked an ionic-attraction switch -- but really I was just fooling myself and unwilling to admit that I had cut my Finder friend Jeremy out of my life all because

It realized, that even if a tomato is a fruit, if enough people think it's a vegetable then it's *almost* the same thing. Similarly, it decided if enough people believed it was a

the realm of the ankle-biters. "What the hell, man?! Why not just bite me in-situ?" The dragger explained: "I drag, they bite. It's a division of responsibilities." So I asked him:

I know what this is about you naughty simka. You're in need of D." B looked up from his not quite empty glass just as the jukebox started to play "Hey" by the Pixies. The cowboys

not my wallet, but I was having a bad day. "Yes!" I lied, smiling at the kind stranger, taking the wallet. Another mistake. The world turned pink. "BE WHO YOU WANNA BE, B-A-R-B-I-E

A plasticoid nephew from some future and a lineage I would not have anticipated somehow rallied the styrofoam beans in my bean bag chair to gently get me back on my feet. I was

Yeah. Oh yes. It almost seemed as if everything was significant and nothing was significant at the same time. There was an unnameable quality to that moment. My significant other

The pitcher of light can only be hidden under the bed for a short while. "Tell me about it," say his friend from HK. "Better sign off and shut off. F*cking American Nazi-Stalinists

After a moment of blank stares, the slender beings exchanged glances."Sprechen Sie Englisch?"Then, the summoners suddenly sneezed. "Gesundheit!" "Are you....*sniff*....aliens?"

I looked at her and wondered. "Who did she think she was?". I noted to myself that Mary Jane and Stella were doing their job. I was chill. Gears were turning. The pipes were open.

The destruction of the library's campus, along with higher tariffs on Chinese imports and a $400 million jet he got from Qatar. ... oh wait, that's our President. You were asking

ly approached, with encroaching dry mouth, stealing our intentions, still you feed us lies from the Tablecloth.

my halitosis is much less than it used to be. Don't scoff. I can't smell it myself. The damage was so bad. I never let go of my towel though. Had my thumb out the whole time. Ford