slightest perturbed by Nyarlathotep. We all pointed and laughed at him. One guy quipped, "He wanted to reject Cthulhu, but said, '$20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20 is $20!'"

And absolutely form-fitting to the Goofy costume as well. See, when I say "specimen", I don't mean that he was handsome, but that he was some science experiment gone wrong. Freaks

even speedier relapse when instead of wheelchairs convalescents were given roller skates and instead of handicap ramps we just had steeper stairs. Insurance premiums skyrocketed!

without lapsing into shrill, idle gossip. I noticed a lot of imprints of Thom Tumb on the sidewalk where he'd careened several scale miles soaking wet. I just assumed he was dead.

icated between the jaws of a giant toad, then burned with seething acids just to get out of having to fold laundry. I fucking hate folding laundry. I'd rather be folding stories.

I was sure the plant was speaking; it had a very botanical accent. "Spam Baby is no more; I have consumed him," said the plant. "That's good to know," I replied.

o' tomahters, but at least our countryisms' ain't goin' nowheres in particular." Huck responded by saying nothing; he'd had a light coronary. Gidgit avoided his gaze awkwardly.

been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.

killing since we'd killed all the trains off back in aught seven, but one day a muscle-clad man faced that ghost train and give it the ol' heave-ho Chattanooga suplex. Our hero!

up a book. "En la jaro de nia sinjoro, du mil dek du, anno domini, raso de malbonaj estaĵoj, kiujn ni nomas la Ĉevalistoj, venis al nia tero tra trans-dimensia portalo de nekonata

to Earth culture, and if games like Bio Inc had taught him anything, it was that his mom's terminal septic cancer was going to be a very funny situation! Shakie the alien felt safe

As the mayor of Scotland, he was damn sure he was the finest mayor Scotland had ever had. He was at least rocking the sheep vote! He blew his nose on a dirty napkin and lumbered

both of them ignoring the scent of a dead skunk I left in the radiator last Yom Kippur. Even Dairy Queen won't take their drive-thru order now.

Reynard the fox, hero to the French people, jammed the Lindbergh baby into a waffle press while he inquired over the phone the costs of laxative-infused sardines. "Is that gross?"

d ou t. Knowin g tha t sh e wouldn' t hav e th e gut s t o no t ea t th e entir e bow l i n on e sittin g, I lef t he r t o he r ow n device s an d snuc k ou t o f th e stadiu m

only to be served up meat with strange, rubbery, plastic-thin layers, sporadic blood red spots, and bright pink insides, and cutting through it is like cutting through bone. You

That kept Pseudo-Casey Jones busy while I hurried back to the car wash where his car was. "No, no, no!" I cried. "I said power wash his car! Not powerbottom wash his car!"

the nimblest momeraths outgrabed me by the bundle of my pantaloons. The momeraths meant nothing but it; they just wanted to get fed, but I still let out an appalling shriek as my

which is very pissing in the wind. It would've been better if he'd made everyone retweet me or leave comments on my YouTube vids. But I understand he was busy holding up the bank.

Worse yet, the Procrastinator put off re-registering his supervillain name, and his mantle was claimed up by someone with slightly more get-after-'em, which pissed him off more.