a phat spliff, and on every puff of his self-entitlement, Director Czar thought up another dirty slur for his departed audience. The audience moved onto a midnight screening of

"I'm gonna buy it with my imaginary white supremacist bitcoin!" the kids say. Here, then. Here's some free bitcoins for you: $1 $1 $2 $4 $2 $3 $1 $2. There you go; it's all yours.

their toques in a twist at the drop of a bagel. I'm Lt. Agumon Friday of the Food Police. There're a million dirty kitchens in the big city, and a million dirty thoughts in my head

"Shut up and get in the pie!" the robin screamed to the worms. "Margaret, Margaret!" cried the bluejay. "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" The robin grabbed the rolling pin like it was a cudgel.

your CV, whatever that is, but just as anyone can put anything on their resume, a resume can contain just about anything. Two sides of the same coin. "Puke and bother!" said the TV

both. A baboon actor in a baboon suit," Mort explained. But Wally wasn't feeling up to task. He didn't want to catch some creepy evolutionary cesspit with a disturbing red anatomy.

Scalefwiend! You humans wewe fish once, too!" The ventriloquism fooled Cassandra, who fell to their five knees and pleaded for the fish's life.

And that was why Gerald decided to become an ice guy instead. But a leopard can't change its stripes, and he ended up just fighting criminals instead of being evil. Evil sucked.

and I took the one less traveled, without actually knowing which one that was, and that has made all the vas differens. I don't know what that means. I read it in Reader's Digest.

sued a hearty:"Good show!" as my pee drenched his posh shag. Having fed me, the prof said:"Now's your turn to help" and led me to the attic, where a sign read: "Human Experiments".

because she reminded him of his daughter, the Gas-Masked Socialite. He hadn't always been a hobo. Still GSM, as he liked to call her, was not a kook like this woman. "I'll kill you

wobbled, a bit, but managed to right itself. It was like the pyramid had a gyroscope inside. Elvis and Bonano sat up at that. They recognized what all great guitarists guessed at.

Volsuminor's stomach and melt into fat pudge you fuck-faced clown of a wine-guzzling whore." This had the opposite effect of what he wanted, as he expected. His mother became Karen

The Land of Goshen wasn't all its brochure cracked it up to be. It's hard to take any sort of writing service seriously if they use a sans serif font. Eileen was leader of Goshen,

an over the shoulder comment to the widows she'd just made of them. When they stared at her she got angry. "To your duties, NOW!" "I'm captain of a ship of widows that I made," she

Seriously, we should just eradicate the entire simian family, save for humans. All monkeys do is eat your children's brains and shit all over the place. Brain them with a hammer, I

decided yes, leave him to drown in soap, choking to death on the bitter flavor of Tide and the solve-everything taste of Bleach. Francis skipped down the street as the house filled

Nightly, he would go to the cemetery and gaze at the unmarked grave that he knew held both his life's work and his only legacy. He would have fever dreams the pooh bear rising out

hygienist. Tooth care from a beak? What'll they think of next? The albatross'll probably regurgitate in my mouth when he puts me under. Gross. I hate all birds and hope they die.

"Because they can't taste. It has been bred out of the Aralian ruling classes," said a man none of us had ever seen. We would have remembered him. He had green hair & orange eyes.