which held their crumpled-up shopping list. "What's this?" Prester asked Anita. "Why do you need all these drinks? Mayonade? Mt. Dew Chlorox Bleach? In my day, water was plenty!"

-bor had thrown out, but it gave the cookies an offensive odor. I tried putting the dough in the dryer, which would have worked if I had taken out my sneakers, first. Let's face it

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

And I musta been drunk, 'cause now I'm locked in his trunk, and when you're dead you can still feel everything. Feel everything. Every thrust of the knife, every sour breath on me.

"Like your mom did hers?" he shot back. Constance, sadly, was incontinent, and her husband's counter-jibe made her piss like a gallon right on the Walmart floor where it belonged.

I mean, sure, I could "prosper" and crank out a hundred folds or more a day maybe if I smoked crack like Stephen King. But I don't, and I don't want to. I'm all sober, bitches.

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

There was Alice in the middle, between two giant, vaguely-feline dangers of purple coloration. She breathed into her Jabberwalkie-talkie. "Angel in Nevada. We are go." A floodlight

Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

causing them to continue the mamushka from atop their horses. Marilyn Monroe & Tony Curtis found that they didn't like it hot when the boiler water started pouring in from up the

Nor would they have to feign feeling fain, feelin' right as rain, right as green rain as Jourdan promised (lied) not to drop the Nickelodeon slime on his actors. Gloop. So much for

It felt weird having the Devil rattle around in there, but evidently He knew what He was doing. "Gloop glup," I said as He shoveled my regrets into my empty thirst for vengeance.

scars on his arms was still in the "I only want to suffer, not exit" stages of depression, asked if anybody had seen his phone. Uh-oh. I called Vivienne on her new cell phone and

flying cars, and social consciousness! Yes, the people of my new universe were to be technologically advanced, and STILL pay taxes! I was going to win at this game, and so would

to the garish sun, and all the infernal orb rewards them with is a glaze of skin cancer." Mr. and Mrs. Centipede clicked their poison pincers together amidst the mushroom patch.

decided to mix it up by using a different search engine. Becca had always felt the constraint of not being able to use Altavista anymore. The hits she got on "twerking xenomorphs"

So she was and doing so atop her lyre. Hence, the cacophony we'd taken for a LARPcore anthem. I turned to Raulf. "They don't get out much," I said. A cleric hailed me from anon. Ll

Across town, Morley was in stiletto heels & dominatrix gear. "Ebenezer Spooge! These chains I forged in a leather bar! Expect the first sexy ghost when the sexy bell tolls sexy!"

shook the house off its foundations. He had no choice but to step into my carefully constructed trap. "The best trap is the one that looks like freedom." He'd drawn the final card

'cause one of those would look fabulous in the rumpus room! I just HAD to get in touch with Cthulhu's interior Dagon-ators on lace trim and camping up these lampshades! Campshades!