"But I'd never kill anything," she answered, her voice trembling at the thought. Teddy Ruxpin frowned. This girl was not the pliable minion he had assumed. "But they will kill you

And like any good dystopian story this reality had a "hero" who would be privy to how god damned woeful the future really was. What good was teleportation if everywhere you went or

to catch sight of the protestors." The reporter nodded, asking, "The ones chanting, 'Free Ham Sandwich! Bust them out of jail!'?" "Yes, them's the ones," the bushmaster confirmed.

called out as she waved a flag from atop the gynecology clinic. Stoats came from miles around to take advantage of Okra's free female health care offer. "There's too many of you,"

Yes, Folding Story will keep you occupied, bewildered, and chortling until you need you to change your pants. Studies show that repeated chortling strengthens the abdominal mucles

Our lady of Perpetual Fast Food Cravings, whose congregation had cleaned out their vending machines minutes after they had been filled. St. Patrick's had tried buying only bland

nunchucks with fins and scales. One moment they were under her armpits, then flashing toward them. Matt and Tim ducked under the Bunsen burner table as flasks shattered around them

Mrs. Bucket-of-Chicken, real name Aileen Tuport from Napoleon, Ohio, got wind of this. She didn't worry a bit. It was well known that billy goats bluff. Sadly, they might've been

trials and tribulations of primitive vacuum cleaner robotics, those first Roombas that became dust-collecting knickknacks for the rich and famous; plant holders, & cat perching

to Tardigrade Tartare. Both dishes mentioned were protested by the RSPCA. "Won't someone please think of the plankton!?" "Sea monkeys are friends, not food!" Squiggy the Sperm Cell

brand Kleenex were the must-have item in the city's fashionable district. Morris Dancers needed to make do with handkerchiefs, which meant the gay night life needed a new code.

tied up the apartment complex phone line with her incessant gossip, and whenever she strolled past a computer, she would hit F11 to full-screen the browser. Mrs. Harper was a pill.

who knew how to lead a dancer with two left hooves. Kaitlyn and Mr. Ed took up quite a portion of the floor (especially Mr. Ed), and he whispered sweet nothings into her ear over

I was an instant nobody, but my humble life found true love. After we wed, on our honeymoon night, my hands caressed her bosom to discover her nipples were stickers. "The hell!?"

had to call the game because global warming melted the rink. Just like that, everyone in the NHL was out of jobs. What could our skills possibly carry over to? Mail processing?

a biplane's propellers slowly, deliberately. I knew then that she was having some feelings about moving back to Heck. I hadn't considered the sexuality of planes before. Was that

"Yeah, but you're telling it in 2021," the guy at the Carvel Ice Cream counter shouted at me, "so put on your damned mask! Look, even Fudgey the Whale is wearing one!" Well, I had

him. “Come on, Space! Just one plant!” “That’s Mr. Coyote to you, Dope. I don’t need my leg fixed!” “Have it your way, Arnold,” I guffawed, “You’ll never rake all those leaves

over the levee and into the big boss' secret lair, an unobtrusive tree house. The big boss only had a moment to realize that the jobs bomb had come through the window and landed on

a Ninja Turtles costume made from taffeta. We chased the ghost boy off with a pair of Nun-chucks made by actual nuns from the Convent of Barreiro. The end." Wendy, John, and Mike