Possibly prostrating his penis before them, or pining for the fjords on the precipice of his pituitary gland paraphernalia. Ptolemy partook plenty of pot, which was why he smelled.

"I'm fine," the robot called to Phil from the kitchen, but he could hear more things shattering in there. "Never mind," Phil said, "I'll do the dishes." The robot laughed secretly

he said, "but at the rest of it, I'm dead meat up the creek." The rest of the Grammar Police shook their heads at this remark and sentenced Soupy to 7 years Hard English. "No!" he

of Fort Knox, if you know what I mean. But, she's rich, so I got a nice settlement after the divorce. However, she learned from that, and demanded a prenup of her zombie fiancee.

their pictures posted on Facebook™, with scrawls making fun of their appearance. You know, calling them fat, or similar bigoted remarks. The Chessmaster needed to be stopped. The

. And why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.

wife pronto, one that didn't lose interest in sex just because she was a zombie. "Brains" she would repeat. "Is that all you ever think about?" Ned snapped back in exasperation.

moment too soon. I was tired of impersonating that one-named wreck for small town stages. I wanted out of show biz and out of my whiskey bottle, but first I had to get out of this

&money isn't an issue. Oh, to pay the price of ill preparation! Humans scrape for pennies, often outside sources, when they don't get their way. They forget that joy starts in them

And after all, isn't love best when both give a half to make a whole? It's the bonding of two lives to make one. Treat your life as if it belonged to your love. I would if I had

the his office was always full of blood. When they looked closer they noticed that the VP was a bit more two dimensional than they were used to. Gordo discovered it was a picture.

that he had listed on a note. His first subject was Philandry 101. Lance knew he would claim Crown's Privilege over his own forays into such saucy trimmings. His next subject was

Blue Clyde, especially since they had "Blue" in their name. After ingestion of the band, the blue blob wandered the riverside, stoned out of it's mind on their residues. The police

Probably people who write for FoldingStory! And how did Ukrainian grannies gain immortality anyway? Aren't they all hopped up on shirka and krokodil these days? My granny is!

Frank on the behind, because it was so difficult to tell it from Frank's face. Frank's Nazi connections "fixed" the dog like they "fixed" Jews. Be sure to spay or neuter your pets!

time to spank that damn monkey. He’d be better off keeping in touch with himself. A parfait without layers is just creamed aspic. Keep that orangutan away from your Cool Whip!

a d20. "Y'see, DnD players be like, 'Everything in life is an even 5% chance,' but Fate players be like, 'It's all about your skill and creativity!' And don't start me on GURPS!"

counted out her bullets. One. She counted them again. Still only one. She peeked over the counter. The Grand Poobah was still eyeing the Claw Prize game. Like he recognized it. She

Ariadne the Lesser Gorgon's favorite dish for a while. But I didn't care. She wasn't a full Gorgon so she couldn't turn me to stone with her glare. She hated to be reminded of it.

But the Louisiana Ladies Temperance League had cut her off after five martinis, claiming that The Lord would have stopped at four. "But it's only half past two!" she whinged. There