As a finalist for the Ugliest Monster contest, these were not the words I wanted to hear. I had sacrificed my good looks long ago for a chance at this trophy, and by god, this was

"I'm sorry sir, we don't give refunds for wars," she said, "We can, however, exchange the Great War for another one, if you would like to look over our catalogue." Flipping through

May I suggest wearing your heart on your sleeve? A wicked witch wouldn't want to see a giant, greasy frog with his heart on his sleeve. That much raw emotion would surely send her

She had the whole world clenched in her fist, and she knew it. She relished the power. But she gained it by standing on the shoulders of giants, not because she deserved it.

cameraman. "Because smokers turn off any ads that show black lungs," he replied, "so scaly skin is a better draw." The dragon felt that this was species-ist, but took off her robe

Eventually the cusp passed, as she knew it would. "Right. Time to move on." Quintessa Chalmers gathered herself, and the storm outside the cafe abated. She left quickly before

I'm good with working with others, as long as I don't have to talk to anyone or interact with people in any way.

asked me what was wrong. I didn't know if I could really trust her, what with all the rumours going on about her, but decided I didn't care. "I think the Beast impregnated me."

bathroom, and then she ends up unleashing the brown bear. And when she thinks all is lost, the host appears, saying "don't worry, I too fed the porcelain stallion a brown bone".

At least he knew no one else was doing it, so he felt more relieved. He had time to think things through. And anyway, if he failed, no one was gonna miss the fisherman's daughter,

them eating the heart of a puppy. Yes! I was shocked and utterly disturbed, and ever since, I haven't seen them. I know they're the ones who did it. They stole the puppies and ate

the cheese sauce! And further, that you were in full possession of your faculties at the time . When no cheese sauce was found you cried - Foul! I demand an annulment!

"A vampire?", he said incredulously. The woman in front of him looked his way, and a big grin appeared on her face. "No", she drawled, "a serial killer, honey, a murderous bee".

"Pay them no mind, dear", said Ms Olenna, the Duchess, "they always come at this hour. It's actually good. We don't have to go out there to eat". As she said that, fangs appeared

a little bit turned on, not gonna lie to you. But that's 'cause I love burritos and I think everyone here loves them, too, don't be hypocrites. Anyway, Bob should be secluded.

'Well', thought to himself Leblanc, 'at least I get to eat the coffee beans thrown in the mountains'. That was going to be an adventure. Coffee beans with dirt and poop, yummy.

The Wayside Inn on the Dike. It was during one of those religious wars last century or two. I remember when it mattered what color rose you wore. White or red? I grew up a Publican

but I feel my role as the 'guy you beat up" in the tutorial is a pivotal one. You just can't have good drama with out the rehearsal; it's like peanut butter without jelly. Don't mi

his own name several times. Sadly though, his little game didn't last long - 007 didn't really lend itself to misspelling and anyway Money Penny was on to him. I only want to fold!

herself, because there was no way the mimes would mime while they slept. She decided she'd wake them up, just because. But as she came closer to the couple, an invisble barrier was