I called a meeting of the generals and presented my plan. General Anxiety seemed anxious with how much I was putting on General Mayhem's shoulders.I gave him Major Paine's assets.

I had just been hired to teach a course called The Philosophy to Crackpot at Princeton College in Harvard Corner, Montana and I was driving out to find a place to live. Just outsid

Notice, I said crockpot, not crackpot, of which i am no longer entitled to claim as my title. I also threw in some carrots, garlic, and potatoes. I don't know if I will add any mor

He was sittin on that slop jar hoping & praying for his bowels to move. His bowels to move. His bowels to move. He was sittin on that slop jar hoping & praying for his bowels to mo

I've had a lot of work for the pickle jar today. I hope I'm now coming down with something.

What a delight to eat a chicken and pickle sandwich. It is best when the pickles are room temperature, not cold like they just came up from the morgue. I used white bread, I'm not

I looked around. I saw right away that I was being watched hard. I knew I had mistakenly walked into somebody's rumba. Since the color was flashing clear I knew it was escalating.

meandering that might include tickling the ivories all Helen's and a drink in the back with the thin folk. Waking up two days later to find that I'm might have married another em

I felt a shiver at the front door. He was back. Had it already been 300 years? My little brother just got out of Tartarus after serving 300 years for killing & eating a Siren & a h

The sun has left because I was singing your song. When did heaven become Peyton Place? Now I have to consider the feelings of elemental beings, gods and gorgons, and an occasional

You can't find much fault with an evening like this one. It is mildly cool, insects still being heard. The bats and a secluded spot with a six pack, Pink Martini on the radio.

Jedi Hand Jazz handed over to Hulk hand who was so mermerized that Jedi Hand's sudden telekinetic draw of the cheese knife drew blood faster than you can say ginzu. My sock puppets

Ms Mittens, a tuxedo cat, and Mr. Grey, a Russian Blue. 'Tis most unfortunate, Miss Prudence, that our parents seem unaware that cats don't take kindly to strangers barking orders.

steria / That will soothe your hysteria. "Adam, I don't think you get it, my hoe's broke, my gloves need a soak, and the weeds are completely netted." I was getting tired

In short, I was born to be a freelance editor for Twitter accounts. I could take a verbose diatribe and bring it down to a few simple words Example: No Nix Net Neut!

"No, I mean I can't perform as the drummer at a UU affair because I would be playing on top of my own grave and I can't go through that again. Don't make me go through that again.

I saw the old man carry the city over the heads of the children as they made their way up the hill that was Ducky, their old tub toy in lavender that tasted like Naughty Cinnamon.

Cereal was the answer to the chicken or salami question. We are still looking into your other questions. As soon as we have a response for you, your block precinct would be advised

balut, beef brains, monkey brains, chicken butt, flowers, and finally, diamonds. Which ones does she like best? Your whole future could be riding on how well you answer this questi

vely & she really felt bad for killing him. I guess he had been a good mayor. He got killed because he took an interest in my business. I don't mean it like that. I mean he cared.