"Funny how easy a mob comes together," I thought to myself as I ran from a nerd herd intent upon pinning George's death on me. It had to be the algorithm framing me. The only way I

Took his poo covered manuscript to the blacksmith, Jedediah, and incinerated it in the fires that had forged Bilbo's infamous bling. Still not satisfied

of the people who claim that microwaves are safe can watch their loved ones melt or explode. 5. Leave somebody else's underwear under your apple tree in April. 6. On April 6, take

nobody really cared about his opinions on dogs, anyway. They were just being polite. No wonder his books about dogs were selling so poorly! The truth hurt, but he lifted himself

device that doesn't come from Sagittarius Cybernetics. Fred can taste our human foibles. There are all in our pee. Who wants Fred to drink their pee first? If your future doesn't

swarm over him like piranhas, leaving only his skeleton and my wallet. I thank the penguins as the police drag them away for public intuxication. After 3 weeks in jail, they come

Divided equally amongst the crew, the Crown, and the Ring. Lord Hydias retreated to Carsoccone where he set his wizards to drying up those rivers they liked to dance about. He forb

But we would be damned if we bought any Earth food from the many Chop Suey joints they opened on our planet to feed the miners who were robbing us of our precious Aertinium. But

my neighbors dragged my lifeless body to the nearest Five and Dine and propped it up in my favorite booth. They flagged down my favorite waiter and ordered my favorite dish:

are always other parents hovering over you with their styrofoam coffee cups telling you that you're doing it wrong. It's always "pinch the buds for a second harvest" this and

cat whom he had disrespected for eight years, and whose comeuppance he thought he'd escape. Leaving that aside, the creature had learned some advanced Mandarin, which

and, though I hate to burst your bubble, your resilience could make trouble. But my friend, please don't despair, just sit your butt down on that chair.

-ols to use to build this rubber-stamping robot. "Your best tool is your brain," Grandpoo used to tell me. So, I hook my brain up to a rubber stamper and wait, but my brain just

you to do the Renegade dance while being blindfolded and only standing on a single leg, as like I said, the Tik Tok Challenge was easy peezy lemon squeezy. However,

soil he had unloaded from his truck this morning. MacGregor was looking for something. The allied rabbit troops watchedMacGregor from their foxhole behind the broccoli. I signaled

periods, sporadic though they had been, and decided that I would become a hermaphrodite. Under the stage name Mister Jenny, I toured the states, singing at fake Woodstock concerts

Anytime the conniption fit seems it might peter out one of the stoats would rekindle the rage by mentioning some perceived attack by the lamestream media. Small hands was a popular

Seven minutes in Heaven. Dabear's detractors accused him of selling indulgences. The majority of the sheeple bought billions of the tickets. Dabear make trillions of dollops from

“I have eaten the flesh of Baby Jesus and it doesn’t pair well with your putrid tater salad.” She started spewing abomination after abomination until the throne was overflowing. A

was wrong with my gift of an angry beehive?! "I wrapped it twice!" He was angry and in pain. I suddenly remember him mentioning he was allergic to beestings. OMG! "Peanutbutter! We