explain that I'd been framed but she wasn't having it. She shoved me out the door, slamming it in my face. Resigned, I turned around and debated where I was going to go now.

from his torso in several quick, precise strokes. From experience I knew that even the brave would probably flinch, but my lookahead sense let me axe-shave even his nipples without

flavor?" She looked at me blankly for a moment and then replied, "Well, I have used Newts in the past but obviously had to find a new option once they started working for me. Now I

turned and walked out of the room. I hoped my mother would forgive me after some time had passed. I had other things to take care of right now. I grabbed my coat and my phone and

the black lights of Toby's Dope Den. Becky picked Roger up and put him in her apron pocket where his neon pink fur wouldn't cause him undue notice. Then she sidled towards the door

stood with my hands in my pockets feeling the loss through holes in the cloth. "Jane while this life ends, another will begin anew, and I must be on that trip." I put on the fedora

-o join the Netherworld Zumba Team, but nobody seconded the motion. It was a drag being deceased, at least here in Purgatory. The only interesting person here is a pterodon named

enough to fill the room. Her BDE put Pete Davidson to shame. “Window washing, huh?” She turned to the man and gently fingered his squeegees. This made him blush and think of

yet irresistible in a disturbing kind of way. As I drew nearer to her, I couldn't help but notice that she had begun to salivate fiercely. I realized then that she intended to

knew that it was Prada because they recognized the sound of quality as it hit the wall. Obviously, this ghost had expensive taste in shoes. Papa had never been able to afford

Well, the thought of Jesus doing a stand-up comedy routine on the mount in heaven made Paul want to die just to get tickets. But Paul had his whole life to live, at least another

such an occasion as this...I'm too far beyond worry about diabetes or gout or intestinal flesh-eating parasites...each delightfully decadent piece of chocolate is laced with opium.

Apparently you need a permit to fuse hydrogen into helium and that requires a massive amount of paperwork, so now they were stuck being a glorified office clerk for eternity.

n unwavering, indestructible, sneeze-resistant nose thread; one that made Karl Malden’s nose blush; one that made Jimmy Durante’s nose look like a banana-shaped, crowned mushroom.

and sending her toppling to the ground. I grabbed a stack of Brandon Sanderson's books and dropped them on top of her. The huge tomes pinned her limbs to the shop's tiled floor.

The tiny handwriting said, "thanks for releasing my flesh eating virus out into the world you FOOL!" I dropped the capsule and watched in horror as the sand began rotting my flesh

to be the first pterodactyl Ingmar Bergman. Deeply inspired by his father's refusal to recognize his talents, Pterry bought a camera and black-and-white film stock and began to

had the wrong number and could he send $200 to fix the problem. "Look, Schyster McFakery, esquire, I already paid you your retainer but you haven't fixed my problem. That ad has to

out hypotheses while others were trying to watch Jeopardy. Newton was soon thrown out of McGinty's Bar for distracting the patrons. As he was thrown to the curb, he noticed a clue

-ters! Little sissy chicken sisters! Bawk bawk baaaawk! Bet you can't come up with a clever comeback to THAT one, now can you, Farmer Gomez? Oh no, you're too busy sneaking around