Ellen walked out to Gary as the audience booed. She hoped he'd kiss her, but Gary thought she was going to shove her off the stage. He pushed her aside with his Saxophone and she

this small door to hell. I had to look for the key that looked back at me first. There it was. I put the key in the keyhole. I heard a purr and then small door to hell opened. An i

Suddenly the clouds grew dark, flowers wilted on the stalk. What wasn't Susan Cowsill cackled at my plight. She called me a mere human blight and that they would soon set me right.

bass. To add insult to injury, my girlfriend of 9 years had just broken up with me when I tried proposing to her. I also got beaten by a motorcycle gang 20 mins later,

caulking from betwixt his teeth and rubbed his jaw. The airport security guard looked incredulously at him. "Lip what?" "Balm." Said the accused." "Bomb?!" The guard took out his g

For you see, truth is often presented as a lofty goal, yet in reality is is nothing more (and nothing less) than P implies P.

"Get what, Marcia?" Cindy sighed. Her imaginary friend was always trying to show off, but this time it was different. This was a real bomb - and an imaginary friend wasn't going to

the Armenian language with a tirade against the encroaching resurrection of Trump. A shower curtain ring salesman stepped out from the crowd. Brad brandished his eggplant at her.

I had trouble fitting onto that extremely narrow bit of space, too. I had to stand on one tiptoe only in order to squeeze into it. In wasn't the most comfortable living situation.

crackled into existence on my six and four humanoid creatures poured out of it onto the ground. I wheeled around to face them. They wore combat boots and mylar vests.

The duds were soiled & as the Fates washed them, they became tattered. So they lied & told the Power That Be that these were his new clothes & only the Bigly Great could see them.

Lidia was juiced. Sure enough, when they looked behind her cooking station after class, they found an empty Limoncello bottle, which they hid from the teacher. They couldn't bear

seemed like he was the sort to believe very deeply about things, and she wasn't going to try to change his mind, especially when it benefited her to have him think her a hero.

"We are so not into Rimsky-Korsakov," the irate native people informed me, "Don't you know any Philip Glass?" Luckily, I managed a decent move from "Koyaanisqatsi" on the bones,

the dress. I could barely speak. The tall woman smiled. Her lips were scarlet.

your name. To honor your sacrifice. To honor your adventure as the core of the Concensus as Maintainer of the Decision. May your vision be stable and do the least harm. The helm is

So I marched down to the memory clinic and had them install just the basic set of chips. My dad's surgery was more important than my childhood memories. I hope that

a notion to become a loser too, so I waddled over to the Nutri-Sisters (only slightly intimidated) to ask. "Dah-ling, you!" one cooed. "We've got a 'Lose-3-Get-One-Free" deal!"

I wish I could say that the war was a swift success, but it seems I made a mistake. So far, the endless battles have been ruthless and catastrophic. My army of warriors is nearly

and he died. At the Pearly Gates he ranted and raved that it wasn't fair that he was not allowed to enter heaven just because he had been a tyrant boss all his life and had caused