tied up the apartment complex phone line with her incessant gossip, and whenever she strolled past a computer, she would hit F11 to full-screen the browser. Mrs. Harper was a pill.

trials and tribulations of primitive vacuum cleaner robotics, those first Roombas that became dust-collecting knickknacks for the rich and famous; plant holders, & cat perching

Mrs. Bucket-of-Chicken, real name Aileen Tuport from Napoleon, Ohio, got wind of this. She didn't worry a bit. It was well known that billy goats bluff. Sadly, they might've been

nunchucks with fins and scales. One moment they were under her armpits, then flashing toward them. Matt and Tim ducked under the Bunsen burner table as flasks shattered around them

Our lady of Perpetual Fast Food Cravings, whose congregation had cleaned out their vending machines minutes after they had been filled. St. Patrick's had tried buying only bland

called out as she waved a flag from atop the gynecology clinic. Stoats came from miles around to take advantage of Okra's free female health care offer. "There's too many of you,"

And like any good dystopian story this reality had a "hero" who would be privy to how god damned woeful the future really was. What good was teleportation if everywhere you went or

cried both of the Cojoined sisters as they checked into the dial-in orphanage. But life became nicer for Fifi and Deedee, after that. They met a nice boy with a parasitic twin.

Somehow, he did not think this OkCupid meetup was going very well. He spun around on his heels to try and sneak out, but there was Richard, smoking a joint and reeking of vodka.

began the ancient chant to summon the administration to come fix all the bugs cropping up in the site. It mostly consisted of listing compound words including the word "cock", then

" Rosie's voice said, from under a pile of rubble. George dug frantically for a few minutes before he found Rosie's head. He propped it up on an ancient alien TV stand. It crackled

flying cars, and social consciousness! Yes, the people of my new universe were to be technologically advanced, and STILL pay taxes! I was going to win at this game, and so would

causing them to continue the mamushka from atop their horses. Marilyn Monroe & Tony Curtis found that they didn't like it hot when the boiler water started pouring in from up the

Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

rupture in spacetime that I could investigate? Which dimension would it send me to? The evil grocer would of course want me to stay, but if I were to just reach into that void,

Then the vegetarian PCP fiend made a gorgeous salad for all his PCP fiend friends in the alley. It had been a very unhealthy day for the nudist lettuce, but a very healthy day for

newspaper. Something was peculiar (as he'd say, "perculiar"). For some reason, Dr. Ruth had answered all nine letters today with "Put a gun to your head; it's the only solution."

lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.