in my "Preserved Rodents of the World" exhibit, which I had made from an old, illegal lemonade stand. "Just $5 to view the most colossal collection of dead vermin ever compiled," I

those cleats off my softwood parquet floor!" The football team pulled off their shoes and tossed them out through the Tiffany window, but continued to advance on Dad. "All we want

Taking Mike's ear in my thumb and forefinger I began to caress it gently. Mike's resident Jelly Fish opened

Just then I realized that the hunting guns would do me no good since they were unloaded and the ammunition was locked away. I quickly ran past them and headed deeper into the aisle

A dead Head of Security's gonads in my hands said I had bigger problems than just Gozar. The only one that Gozar had had any respect for had been Zuul. It was time to give her a ch

blood, and soon. Perhaps she could align her nefarious plans with Thanksgiving. Her gremlins could savour their blood feast, and she could do a spot of Black Friday shopping.

-ting babies fishing for binkies on an ice rink from a soda business! The babies nodded and called out hearty ‘Aye!’s in agreement. If only we had an opium flavored soda... Wait..

need. Low and behold a very irritable genie magically appeared in a cloud of pink smoke. “Make it quick, I’m watched the season finale of Twin peaks,”

small enveope from his back. "You sure about that, Carrothead?" He said menancingly, eyeing the paper &Onion with ominous intent. "You know what this is, right?" he asked the veget

could only think of lies in terms of currency, the more lies were entered into the economy, the further diluted they became. By the time Trump left office, the US Dollar was so

But then she came to her senses--slapped herself in the face ten times--she was a socialite; she had money & power--screw the fallen; they can't use jewelry. Off came the gas mask.

not do that but to follow his bliss. He soon realized that raking in an infinite supply of monetary funds WAS his bliss and he got back on that bandwagon. He started by passing off

and revealed his left butcheek. "You see that tattoo? I got it when I unlocked this level." It was Tweety Bird. "Tweety Bird, huh." I said. "Yep," he replied, "now let's have sex."

light the coals & toast the marshmallow mummy to make s’mores. “Wouldn’t It be great if Gandhi or Joan of Arc had gone out this way? Their deaths might not have been such a drag."

He grinned at her; his eyes combing over her figure. “I wonder how badly she wants her well dug,” Zeke asked Lonnie, “How deep and how wide?” Lonnie shook his head. Zeke moved in

– just another bit of parochial nonsense that is only relevant on a very localized scale – I have decided to eschew "Contemporary Psychology", transcripts be damned. So now,

suddenly there was a chance to be each other's sidechick. Now that it was out there, Sarah seemed to be interested but shied away at the last moment. "We're almost sisters, Susie!"

, and the happy chair gradually became more glib as he approached the local Wainwright's to secure a carriage for his horse, unawares of the fast appleman in pursuit. The onlooker

Dynamite clock alerted me that all may be well here. I decided to break dance my way out of the situation. I jumped and landed the perfect splits, breaking time and the universe

Vape Shoppe and ordered a round of THC, hold the Vitamin E. As dusk fell, the Mysterion stopped coughing long enough to explain his theory about page 273. "Obviously, it has nothin