lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.

newspaper. Something was peculiar (as he'd say, "perculiar"). For some reason, Dr. Ruth had answered all nine letters today with "Put a gun to your head; it's the only solution."

waved excitedly at their carnival friends. Gary & Gary loved to ride the ferris wheel for hours on end with binoculars, enjoying the sights of the fair. Barney was bleeding out.

Dooley and his word was "unspellable". "Could you use it in a sentence please," Dooley asked. "Yes. The name of God was unspellable."" "That's what you think," thought Chaz. Dooley

found Gangsta’s Paradise. Thumping and pounding, grunting and grinding to the bass and bongos, searching for his Zomgirlfriend, Zomboyfriend turned into Zomhorndog. He was stiff

rupture in spacetime that I could investigate? Which dimension would it send me to? The evil grocer would of course want me to stay, but if I were to just reach into that void,

along about this “God and Ark thing.” Noah refused to admit he had a drinking problem even when told he was seeing double and had really only gathered one of each animal. Mrs. Noah

phone call with someone who always spoke too long without listening. Obedience can be bought, but does not equate with loyalty. The Phantom of Freedom is sometimes a theif, when

know that he had undiagnosed AD/HD, OCD, ODD, BRB, and AC/DC. Jorgen needed to Rock these pyramids! In a very specific and organized way. If he didn't get his way, well, it would

a total hoax, and sued us for each day they missed tanning. The judge decided, in our favor, that they were not paid for tanning days, just for being tan, which they could easily

But Susan Spoiler McNaysayer told Susan Walker-Runner that the sperm bank was not for rounding up future meals for cannibals. Infuriated, Susan Walker-Runner torched the clinic,

-bt, as so often is the case with Communism and ponies. So Minty, the little green pony toppled that statue of Lenin, which by this time had turned green, as well. The ponies were

retired fire chief who still lived in the broom closet, was irritated. "Sloppy!" he huffed, "Why, in my day we never left the fire house unmanned! Guess I'll have to handle this

, a much cleaner alleyway than he had seen in the old town, an alleyway in which even Mary Tyler Moore would be proud to toss her tam-o-shanter. Here, even the rats washed their

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

stifle him with her traditional dolphin ways, and he bit a chunk out of her dorsal fin. That tore it. She knew she had to leave Dan that very night. While he slept, she swan out

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

tides and the Sugarbelles that Love Them, when an advertisement came on about four times telling him to watch Navel Crime Investigation...Show. So he changed the channel to see

Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

it was all based on a lie. He could never marry his sister. The Gods would never allow it and, more importantly, his insurance agent wouldn't allow it. He would site consanguinity