just let it wash over me, soaking my clothes to my skin. I felt as if my own spirit was lifted, like an enigma I didn't need to solve. I waited until the sun broke the clouds, then

a phat spliff, and on every puff of his self-entitlement, Director Czar thought up another dirty slur for his departed audience. The audience moved onto a midnight screening of

"Shut up and get in the pie!" the robin screamed to the worms. "Margaret, Margaret!" cried the bluejay. "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" The robin grabbed the rolling pin like it was a cudgel.

I wore out the casting couch. Did I want to be a star or a nobody? My body was my temple, but it was also my meal ticket. Directors knew me biblically. Like the Praying Mantis,

And that was why Gerald decided to become an ice guy instead. But a leopard can't change its stripes, and he ended up just fighting criminals instead of being evil. Evil sucked.

an over the shoulder comment to the widows she'd just made of them. When they stared at her she got angry. "To your duties, NOW!" "I'm captain of a ship of widows that I made," she

Nightly, he would go to the cemetery and gaze at the unmarked grave that he knew held both his life's work and his only legacy. He would have fever dreams the pooh bear rising out

hygienist. Tooth care from a beak? What'll they think of next? The albatross'll probably regurgitate in my mouth when he puts me under. Gross. I hate all birds and hope they die.

He needs that as a supplement to his recovery. He may heal faster if he has her love.

"How unseemly of me," he said as he thumbed the mildewy seam. Trying to rub the mildew away. Then he noticed a bit of honey stuck on the back of his paw. He had a Big Appetite. But

"Yes, you did. And I happen to be an owl," said the windshield cleaner as he climbed into the passenger side and demanded $25. The man stared at his open talon and gave him the

at the presidency of the emerging second Confederation States Of America. Archangel Better Davis sent archangel Jimmy Stewart coy fiery letters of the Unholy Spirit. Countersigned

cats never do. He extended a paw; I passed over the 'nip. No further communication was necessary. Done deal. I awoke the next

Obama shaking his shoulders, shuddering. Shin's face took on a fuchsia hue and began to spew all over the shag rug underfoot. Not the one draped over the Ottoman Ambassador. "Burqa

"When the tornado hit," I recounted "I was able to survive by getting into my Fiat 500 and driving." Most people found it hard to believe but I didn't want to out drive the tornado

with a distinct foot cheese scent that was tastier then the sad flat little hash puppies at the Stand-up Diner's Open griddle night. Anyway what can you expect from Dane as Cook?

He returned the gesture with a toothless grin, which immediately stole my heart. I ran across the room into Professor Plum's arms. Despite his age he caught me easily.

the gas station, as distracted as he was with his performance anxiety, and had poured gas all down the side of his Ferrari. "Oh for the luvva," sobbed Señor Casanova, "The women

It was true, I had only seen the virus once. Every other time, either it had blinded me, or it was too small to see. Either way, I decided I wouldn't stop until I had eradicated

#20. Dance like nobody's filming you with their smartphone. #21. Nap whenever the chance presents itself. #22. Always say 'please' and 'thank you' to the people who pay you. #23