You will gaze upon my handsome form in my purple finery and realize that you have stepped on my green oxfords once too many, my friend. My orange eyes ablaze, I will extend my hand

"Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME, Prince of Dark-- I mean, Skipper!" The pentagram on the floor started glowing red, even though the summoner and the devil were still arguing with each other

But now the world is born again in the 6th fold. It is now 3:15pm and humans have begun to destroy this world all ready. I forgot to tell them not to, plus, they wouldn't listen

tickle the hell out of his ribs until he died laughing. I tried this in my next match. I knocked the guy out then started tickling. The ref tried to stop my tickling onslaught by

stars whose power has been harnessed by technological means. Faster than light travel has obviously been utilized most efficiently, and cross-breeding of species has even been disc

Just another day in the life of white people in DC. Sarah Liar-Mouth Sanders, Mike Constipated-but-not-Gay Pence, and Tweety-Bird Trump wore their smugness like

Mikolaj spent most of his day at the park watching the ducks on the pond. He rarely gave a thought to being the last survivor of the Royal Calump Empire. Or that he had an ex-wife.

But little did she know that I was still alive. With a pocketknife I sliced through her. I killed her without remorse. “No, THIS is how the cookie crumbles!”I let out a manic laugh

home. He stared off into nothing. Although art was his passion, he seemed lost on what to do next. Not unusual for inspiration to leave him. That was the reality of doing art.

gave off an acrid smell that reminded Mother Nature of her youth. When she took a nascent world and forged a self-sustaining biosphere that has lasted ages. The astro-turf reminded

seemed I pointed out my Georgia O'Keeffes. I mentioned feeling moist and then I fainted. I awoke from the 1st dream into the 3rd dream & into the arms of Cecil B. Deville, close up

dream of you to think of that morning you you might have went jogging beside Ted Bundy and he didn't give you a second look. Relieved? What does a 12 year old have that I don't?

return until the Rothko era that hit rural Bulgaria in 1956. The lion slept beside the quiet Potemkin villages of an Eisenstein set designer on the outs with the local party bosses

Some ways far more unrealistic if you're made of char. Did you remember step 8? That one's easy. Wait... You didn't? Oh shiii... *the world explodes, leaving them floating... *

Species, others argued I should be dissected in order to glean any medical information to help future mer-kind. After a few sea shandies, some even said they should mate with me

at rest. "Mrs. Smith," I whispered for some reason, "please excuse me." Swiftly slinging her over my shoulder, I made my way out the front door. Granny was surprisingly heavy for a

I would then have applied the Frosty to the orange plastic chair right there at Wendy's, and then sat in it, presumably with a satisfying hiss of steam. But I was not that tactful.

remains of the tiny child that had previously been so kind to her in the office. That poor kid didn't deserve any of this. She walked away solemnly trying to keep her mind off of

-as of Heaven are filled to the gills, and bassoonist areas are putting up "NO VACANCY" signs, but the oboe areas are almost empty. Why, God?" "Because I can't stand the sound of

of growth from a mere acorn nut to a mighty oak. Earth nourished him, and sky sent him water. He grew roots, then sprouted. He was offered a job at a 7-11, but refused on account