of the splattered clothing? They ran out to the local Randalls and bought a small air fryer. It was the only one they carried. They would have bought 2 but they couldn't afford it.

in and punched him in the nose. He fell onto the sticky floor. The last thought he had before he passed out was "Maybe I should make pancakes." When he awoke, he found that he had

The Minotaurs were now rampaging the streets, chasing human women and corralling human men. The kids they left. They were too small for manual labor. Satan laughed God had out done

which is kind of ironic since my best folds come when I really wanna END my life! Chuckling to myself at how we'd created a better fantasy than God's reality, I swatted my keyboard

the Devil's Weed in its mouth. After a while the lamb got heavy or Agnes grew tired and she dropped the lamb. It landed on the Holy Landmine of Antioch. Agnes collected the bits of

es who were limited time only. "I think I'll try the salad bar," my wife said. But again, it was a zombie salad bar. There was cole slaughter, diet lettuce, funyuns...I dunno.

a little ditty of a hymn like "Zip a duden duden zip a duden dah," as God swaddled the child, Harold Green, gifting to him a mighty keyboard video synthesizer of legendary legend.

-se favorite musician was Prince, until he croaked. The sexy man-eater cried for weeks when I told her. She'd had her heart set on kissing him and turning him back into a frog.

, father dear!” my bro replied melodically. Unconvinced, we heard dad’s steel-clad slippers closing in on our position. Setting the buttered bread aside, my bro readied the knife

bicarbonate pills she was given daily were more of a distraction than any real assistance. (Plus, it accounted for the frothing). No one gave her a glass to dissolve them in, thoug

decided yes, leave him to drown in soap, choking to death on the bitter flavor of Tide and the solve-everything taste of Bleach. Francis skipped down the street as the house filled

my crotch. "Yeah, I got yer club right here," I said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have kitchen pipes to destroy and a fortune to make." The performers fell silent as I marched to

Volsuminor's stomach and melt into fat pudge you fuck-faced clown of a wine-guzzling whore." This had the opposite effect of what he wanted, as he expected. His mother became Karen

Vahn of Vahn's Vans over on Vonn? Even if they could, send their son to Cartoon College: should they? Would they? All of this ran through the mind of Dr. Goodfeel's receptionist, O

man of the cloth (polyester with a gingham print) I cannot turn down a thirsty traveler in need. "Here," said Rev. Jim Jones, "have my koolaod, for it is all that's left of it."

the little girl on the bike ran into me. I watched in slow motion as she tumbled through the air, her braces glinting and her braids moving like tentacles. She landed on a wino who

eating brains. It should be easy to strip them of their money but it gets tiresome trying to keep them from eating your brains away from you first. Besides, now that most people kn

don't like salt understandably, and meth thorta looks like it. "Could that be the ansther? Now I'm lithping, too." I stared at the slug's rug. I wanted to sniff it for some reason.

their toques in a twist at the drop of a bagel. I'm Lt. Agumon Friday of the Food Police. There're a million dirty kitchens in the big city, and a million dirty thoughts in my head

"I'm gonna buy it with my imaginary white supremacist bitcoin!" the kids say. Here, then. Here's some free bitcoins for you: $1 $1 $2 $4 $2 $3 $1 $2. There you go; it's all yours.